Tuesday, March 31, 2009

More budget ponderfication...

A bitch is once again keeping my eye on how the Republican majority led legislature in my home state of Missouri defines stimulus. I’ve said it before and my ass will say it again, the states are ultimately in control of whether stimulus money is allowed to stimulate.

Shall we?

Missouri’s Head Budgeter in Charge, House Budget Committee Chair Allen Icet, has a plan…well, he may have a plan by next week…okay, so he’s got this box full of our stimulus money and next week he’ll tell the masses what he intends to do with it.

Apparently Icet and his conservative minions have all kinds of plans for the stimulus funds…but they are proving to be allergic to the idea of using those funds to prevent cuts to necessary social programs that serve the most vulnerable residents of the state. Instead they are pondering…wait for it!..a tax rebate check (as long as it isn’t $10 per person, ‘cause that just would not do). Oh, and they appear to be excited about a series of one-time projects that a bitch is willing to bet will ultimately benefit campaign contributors.

Um, and they will also propose some plan to fund staff for colleges and universities to train and teach doctors and medical professionals.

Blink.

Train healthcare professionals to treat…who, exactly?

‘Cause these same legislators sure as shit aren’t addressing the fact that thousands of Missourians lack coverage. As a matter of fact, they are going out of their way to make sure stimulus money doesn't prevent additional cuts! Just who the fuck are those healthcare professionals going to treat?

And I sure as hell hope their proposal doesn’t bother training more pediatricians or specialists in children’s healthcare…because those same legislators don’t see the benefit of covering the born.

Maybe that’s the deal.

Maybe these fiends intend for Missourians not to be the beneficiaries of that increase in trained healthcare folks.

Gasp!

Mayhap the training of healthcare professionals is part of a Missouri tourism program.

Pause…consider…continue.

Mmmmhmmm, a bitch saw a news program about shit like this going on abroad! People with money or insurance or both would travel to Missouri, stay at the Four Season’s in downtown St. Louis and have a procedure done.

Oh my…could Icet’s plan actually be a freakish conspiracy to have Missouri compete in the growing travel sector of medical tourism?

Or does he really not see the fuckeduptitude of training healthcare professionals with stimulus money after declaring that stimulus money should not be used to prevent cuts in healthcare coverage for Missourians?

***cue crickets***

Monday, March 30, 2009

Getting from A to B...

Let's jump right on in, shall we?

A lot happened during the election last November.

The nation elected our first black President.

Missouri elected a Democrat to Governor.

And St. Louis County voters narrowly defeated a sales tax increase that was to help fund public transportation routes through Metro.

Starting today, thousands of St. Louisans will no longer be able to get from A to B and many of them will lose their jobs because of an inability to find alternative transportation.

Now, there are many who will argue that Metro is mismanaged and that voters where right to defeat the increase and not reward that mismanagement with additional funding.

And there are others who simply won’t give a shit because they don’t rely on public transportation and can’t think beyond themselves and their life.

But a bitch is disturbed.

For the record, I don’t rely on public transportation…but I live here and these cuts are sure to have a negative impact on the region.

I am blessed to have Miss Sister Girl Cabrio to take me to the market, to work, to doctor visits and to visit my brother, who lives in St. Louis County.

But many of the young women I volunteer with rely on public transportation to get to work. They must travel hours away from their community because Lawd knows there aren’t any jobs in the ‘hood. And many of them use Metro to get to school, to the market and to doctor visits too. As a matter of fact, budgeting for transportation is part of my basic budgeting curriculum and now…

Now, I must sit down with them and try to find alternative transportation that is also affordable and reliable and…Gawd, life was already complicated enough.

Ugh.

But here we are…all of us. These cuts will impact all of us, even those who don’t give a shit because they don’t use public transportation and can’t think beyond themselves and their life.

If Metro is a mess then someone needs to address that shit. The solution is not to let it go to shit and hope for the best.

A bitch sees this as a teachable moment. In many ways, it mirrors the challenges faced by many organizations and companies providing necessary services to communities.

Need ain’t going anywhere…and the ramifications of cuts are everyone’s orphans.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Lawd, what a week…

A bitch is mentally exhausted. I think pondering all which is fubar is taking a toll on my attitude!

Sigh.

Even watching the fantabulous Blues victory during the hockey game last night hasn’t pulled me out of my funk!

Note – a bitch is not ready to begin NHL playoff speculation or trash talk ‘cause my ass is superstitious and the Blues are still fighting for that 8th spot.

Pause…toss up playoff prayer to the hockey gods…continue.

Whilst looking for a news-based distractitude a bitch came across this piece on how dawgs and cats are responsible for some 86,000 injuries to humans each year.

Blink.

The CDC is advising seniors to improve lighting, put pet toys away and use obedience training to cut down on the number of serious falls related to pets.

Trust a bitch, everyone should do that shit regardless of age.

And I’ll add that people need to pay attention when walking sorta-beagles too. This bitch adores my sorta-beagle companions Theo and Betsey, but they are short and frisky and known to cut a person off at the ankles in their pursuit of attention.

A year or two ago this bitch suffered a monster sprain after Theo the BayMaster decided to get his tug on in the opposite direction of Betsey Sue, who was already getting her tug on…and damn it to hell if my ass wasn’t trying to give them the walk they had been begging for…all of which resulted in a bitch hitting the sidewalk and damn near destroying my ankle!

As I explained to both of them at the time, face licking will not speed up the ankle healing process and sad puppy-dawg eyes will not make a bitch forget how I ended up on my ass with a busted ankle.

Shit.

Anyhoo, be mindful of thy pets...and their chews and toys...lest you end up on your ass and in pain!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

The proof is in the budget…

The fillet-o-fish budget jingle is now floating around this bitch’s brain.

Sigh.

And I’m not even a fan of fillet-o-fish sandwiches!

Damn Lent-based fish advertising.

Ugh.

Let’s jump right on in, shall we?

A certain Meredith from Columbia Missouri (wassup, Columbia!) sent this bitch an email asking why I haven’t blogged about the federal budget battle and what my thoughts are on the Missouri state budget drama. Well, the reason a bitch hasn’t blogged about the federal budget drama is because I’ve been spending hours tracking the Great Bleed Out Missouri Budget Massacre of 2009 that is our state budget battle and trying to make sure the fiendish knaves in the majority in Jefferson City don’t eliminate programs that make my autistic brother’s world function.

I’ve got to tell you, this battle is fucking fubar. Not only are the budget fiends hacking flesh away from necessary programs but they are refusing federal stimulus money that would make cuts unnecessary and that are designed to…well, give the struggling masses a fucking break so we can get about the bitness of recovering from Blunt Trauma and the ravages of Bush-o-nomics.

The proof, my friends, is in the budget.

Allow me to rant.

***steps up on box of soap***

Knavish state Republicans are cutting $58 million dollars from the Department of Mental Health budget…on top of $20 million in cuts proposed by the Governor. DMH services are crucial to people like my brother, who is profoundly autistic and who has already suffered from the series of cuts made to programs over the past several years. People with developmental disabilities are Missourians…and most of their families will not be able to make up the difference. People with developmental disabilities participate in our communities and society…they don’t just languish away in institutions and they aren’t a population lawmakers can simply dismiss because they want to pander to some political theory that social programs don’t benefit society. And this sister of an autistic adult can promise those knaves that nothing good will come from cutting necessary programs whilst indulging in a federal stimulus refusal game.

Ugh!

Missouri seniors organized a paper plate mail-in action to the knaves that resulted in them backing off cuts that would have damn near eliminated a meal delivery program. That shit was fantabulous, but someone ought to be shamed that people have to resort to mailing thousands of paper plates to Jefferson City to make elected officials consider their hunger while they fling axes about in a conference room.

Lawd, I can just see it…a gaggle of more ambitious than inspired craven assholes hovering the starved body of the state budget, laughing as they hack of limb after limb while federal stimulus dollars lay in a corner, bound with duck tape over the mouth struggle to get free.

Mercy.

And someone needs to tell me how the same legislative body that voted for another abortion restriction bill and refuses to even consider prevention bills can walk about the people’s house without shame after then voting to strip funding for children’s services that would have, among other things, funded insurance coverage for some 27,000 Missouri children when families need that coverage more than ever.

Heaven to hell and back again, that just ain’t right…it ain’t logical…and it sure as shit ain’t pro-family.

Sigh.

So, Meredith, a bitch has been busy contacting my legislators and writing letters and waking up at 3 o’clock in the morning fretting and calling legislators because this state shit is where the stimulation of the nation will certainly fail if the head knaves in charge are allowed to get away with cutting instead of innovating and thinking outside the box and protecting the most vulnerable residents of the state.

We the people need to multi-task on this shit…stat! Because these fools are fixin' to make Limbaugh’s dream a reality one state at a time.

***steps down, sends another letter explaining how DMH cuts will fuck up my brother's world, and logs off to go to work***

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Today is the Back Up Your Birth Control day of action!

Back Up Your Birth Control is a national campaign committed to raising awareness of and expanding access to emergency contraception (EC).

This year's Back Up Your Birth Control Day of Action is especially exciting because it comes on the heels of a federal decision to make EC available over-the-counter to seventeen-year-olds.

Emergency Contraception (EC) is a back-up birth control method, as opposed to a regular birth control method like condoms, hormonal contraception, IUD placement, etc. EC, also known as the “morning after pill” and by the brand name Plan B®, is a safe and effective way to prevent pregnancy AFTER unprotected sex or the failure of other birth control methods. EC is a higher dosage of the same hormones found in many types of regular birth control pills. When used within 5 days (120 hours) of unprotected sex or birth control failure, EC can significantly reduce the risk of unintended pregnancy. EC is most effective when taken as soon as possible after unprotected sex or the failure of other birth control methods. So don’t wait!

Visit the Back Up Your Birth Control website for more information.

Live in Missouri?
Planned Parenthood of the St. Louis Region
Planned Parenthood of Kansas and Mid-Missouri
Planned Parenthood of Southwest Missouri
Tri-Rivers Planned Parenthood

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

A faith-based pondering…

Let’s jump right on in, shall we?

A bitch has been experiencing a seasonal lull over the past couple of days, so I took my ass offline and indulged in my funk.

Sometimes there’s no way around it.

Anyhoo, I had an interesting conversation the other day about religion. Well, it wasn’t actually a conversation about religion so much as an aside tossed out by someone during a conversation about something totally different. I won’t get into the specifics, because I was more struck by the guaranteed to get a bitch’s back up tone used to dismiss a theory that “wasn’t based in scripture” than what the asshole saying that shit was actually responding to.

Pause…consider…continue.

Yeah, it was the tone…that I’m in this club that makes me better than non-members and we’ve got a rule book that I’ve memorized and use when it suits me to posture and preen.

Note – this is different than the other popular people of faith tone known as I pity you ‘cause you are damned to burn in eternal hellfire and that’s kind of sad to me even though I’m thrilled that ‘tis you and not me.

Here’s the deal…a bitch wouldn’t give a shit if it weren’t for the results of that behavior demonstrated in the other interesting faith-based interaction I had later that same day. A really good friend and I were chatting on the phone about some volunteer work we hope to do together while the weather is nice. He was thinking a Habitat for Humanity build and a bitch was thinking we should also pick a block and get our beautification/trash clean up on. My friend was lobbying hard for Habitat even though he “hopes there aren’t any of those church groups volunteering on the same day.”

And there it is! That’s the shit that makes a bitch give a shit about the ways of some people of faith.

Catcheth thy knee-eth before you injureth thy neighbor…a bitch ain’t painting all y’all with the same brush!

It seems to me that faith is being branded by the fucked up from the floor up actions of a few…and the tragedy of that is that those few aren’t even acting in a very faith-based way. As a matter of fact, they are kind of anti-faithish…if one is thinking of the world’s major religions.

And a bitch can’t help but wonder when this happened. When did some religions and faith in general become the prisoners of certain religious people who use religion like other people use a Louis Vuitton handbag?

Mercy.

Even as I ponder that I long for the faith-based experiences of my youth…for a church full of regular folks trying to find guidance and inspiration so that they can leave the world a better place and do some good.

And I fear for the brand integrity of faith…because the brand suffers when there are more faux Louis Vuitton knock-offs than the real deal.

Blink.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Pondering outrage...

A bitch must confess to being too wrapped up in the Missouri State Budget Battle of 2009 to pay much attention to the AIG outrage.

I know that AIG got federal bailout money.

And I know they paid…or attempted to pay…retention bonuses after getting that bailout.

Honestly, I would think the masses would be more outraged about US bailout money going to companies overseas through AIG…but damn it all if we're not unpredictable.

Blink.

Anyhoo, as I watched a curiously mellow Jim Kramer on the Today Show this morning (my people call it a correction-based re-branding…good luck with that!) and the sorta-news segment featuring outraged folks explaining why they are outraged a bitch noticed a potential benefit.

Some people have begun to connect the quality of work these executives do to their salary.

Gasp.

And a few folks have started questioning the huge salaries paid Wall Street executives in general.

Double gasp and a blink!

This bitch hopes this trend continues and works its way to government.

Mmmhmm, all the way to state governments…

…because I’d like to know why the fuck we pay a salary to people who publicly admit they don’t do their job…like Missouri Speaker of the House Ron Richard who voted to block Governor Nixon’s budget proposal even though HE HASN’T READ IT YET!!

Ugh.

I hope outrage is contagious as a motherfucker.

Lawd, knows bullshit is…

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Pondering proper brushing...

Longtime readers know that a bitch’s older brother is autistic and that my sister and I are co-guardians.

Well, ‘tis that time of year again…when plans and budgets meet and all manner of shit gets fucked up from the floor up.

A bitch is getting my guardianship on…lobbying for that insurance bill in Missouri…making sure yearly appointments are scheduled…reviewing meds and dosages…and problem solving the best way to demonstrate proper tooth brushing techniques to an autistic adult who is neglecting his gum line.

We’re giving that dental wash that stains where brushing needs to happen a whirl today.

Sigh.

Oh, and my ass is reading up on the Missouri budget to see what’s being cut from programs that have already been cut to the bone.

Pause…consider…continue.

Something tells me the brushing project may be easier than the budget cut analysis.

Blink.

The Ruth Ellis Center...

A bitch received an email from a volunteer at The Ruth Ellis Center in Detroit asking for some help.

Like many non-profits, The Ruth Ellis Center has taken a hit during fubar economics and is in need of assistance in order to continue providing services.

The Ruth Ellis Center honors the life and work of Ruth Ellis, an out lesbian of color born in 1899 who was a social justice advocate. Her life and work were chronicled in the fantabulous documentary, Living With Pride: Ruth C. Ellis @100.

The Ruth Ellis Center is dedicated to homeless LGBT youth and young adults. Among their services are a drop-in center, street outreach program, transitional living programs, and emergency housing shelter.

If you are able, please extend some assistance to The Ruth Ellis Center.

Thanks!

Monday, March 16, 2009

Recovering and a nudge…

Lawd…have…MERCY.

This bitch has been the very definition if ill for days.

Coughing, yacking, sneezing, eye drool-age and spit-up nastification took over a bitch’s body and went to battle!

But this bitch…and lots of cough ‘tussin approved for people with high blood pressure…won the fucking war, damn it.

I’m not 100% yet but I feel sorta-human…thank the gods.

Many thanks to all y’all who reached out to confirm that my black ass isn’t dead!

Moving forward…

You, your state legislators and Spring Break – A nudge…

I can’t speak for other American states…or for Canadian provinces and territories up north…but in Missouri the state legislator gets a Spring Break.

Blink.

Mmmhmm, ‘tis true that they do!

I know, I know…your asking yourself why they get a motherfucking break when the majority of them have been spending the majority of their time pandering to ultra-conservative social value groups like Missouri Right to Life instead of taking care of the people’s business like job creation, covering the thousands of Missourians who are uninsured or [insert crumbling infrastructure in need of attention here].

But you should know better than to toss logic at the leaders of the Missouri House or Senate (wink).

Cough…toss back proper dose of ‘tussin…continue.

Anyhoo, they get a Spring Break…which the few progressives within (love ya, for real!!) have earned the hell out of because they’ve been working hard as hell trying to prevent the realization of some pretty freakish conservative state-based dreams (shudder)…and this bitch wants to nudge y’all to set up a meeting while your legislator is back in town!

Call your Rep. or Senator’s office and get on their calendar for a check-in. Make sure you show up with something to discuss…can I recommend any of the fucked up from the floor up anti-choice restriction bills that have occupied the Missouri House’s time instead of the Prevention First Act…and then get your meet on! Ask them what they’re doing and where they stand on the shit that matters to you.

Make sure they know that their constituents are watching what they do when they aren't breaking and are supposed to be serving the people.

And yes, this still illish but much better now bitch and C-Money are already on our State Senator’s calendar for tea and side of keep-it-real.

Consider yourself nudged!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Oh shit...a bitch is sick!

Ugh.

I've caught nastification coughupolus robustus...

...and it don't play.

Bitchitude will continue when my ass feels human again...

Monday, March 09, 2009

Illish...

A bitch is illish.

Congested and coughified…ugh. I can’t tell if this is an allergy thang or a full out cold thang, but I do know that it is a fucking drama.

Ugh!

Anyhoo...this bitch woke up pondering honesty, economics and politics.

Yesterday a bitch avoided the political chat shows…’cause I was already feeling ill (wink)…and stuck to CBS Sunday Morning instead. I was enjoying the hell out of the show when all of the sudden Ben Stein’s face popped up on my television screen and it…umm, he…proceeded to lecture this bitch on Economics 101.

In a classic prince to pauper tone, Stein explained how the economy groweth. He praised Bernanke for flooding more money into the system…then fussed at viewers for not playing our part and getting our spend on. Stein blamed our reluctance to spend on certain politicians who aren’t being optimistic enough.

It struck me that Stein wasn’t taking politicians to task for inaccuracy but rather for being too accurate…too on point…too honest with we the people.

And, as a prince speaking to we citizen paupers, Stein is clearly dismayed by the way we are responding to all that honesty.

***cue Nicholson***

In short, we can’t handle the truth.

Shit…a little bit of truth and look at us, not spending money or buying shit we don’t need.

‘Tis a scandal!

Not.

We the people aren’t the warm body that the fiendish economy can tap a vein on and feed upon at will!

Glances at arm and spots a minified Ben Stein sinking his anti-worker pro-corporation vampire teeth into a bitch's vein.

Fuck a duck!

***logs off to do battle with Ben Stein's vampire apparition***

Thursday, March 05, 2009

If a bitch ruled the world….

Brother Rob Thurman gave this bitch a crown!!

Fantabulous.

It feels natural (wink).

Shall we?

Have you ever taken stock of things and wondered what you’d do if you ruled the world?

Mmmhmm, me too!

If this bitch ruled the world I'd sport a fierce crown on my Afro...and I’d declare war on bullshit.

Oh, I’d consider declaring all manner of other shit…but even the Ruler of the Known Universe needs the will of the people to get shit done and the people don't like being told what to do or when to do it even if that direction is correct as a motherfucker.

Blink.

But bullshit and this bitch would go to war.

For example, this bitch has been reading up on President Obama’s move to reform health care.

The President has invited labor leaders, politicians from both sides of the aisle, medical professionals, business leaders and even real people (wink) to the White House to discuss and debate health care reform.

A bitch thinks that’s a great start, but it opens the door to bullshit.

Opponents have already voiced their objections to anything government related concerning health care. As usual, they oppose but do not propose…a clear indication that bullshit is about to slither into the room and stank up the debate.

If I ruled the world today’s meeting would be mine and we’d kick it off with a list of known things.

In 2008 health care spending was 4.3 times the amount spent on national defense…and the product purchased ain’t working, people aren’t covered and preventable things aren’t being prevented.

46 million Americans are uninsured yet the United States spends more on health care than other industrialized nations…and those nations provide insurance to their citizens.

Millions of people lose their homes to foreclosure due to unaffordable health care costs.

It costs more to treat an illness than to prevent one…but prevention requires access to affordable health care.

And I could go on and on and on.

We’d spend at least half of the meeting on the known shit…on the realities of the health care system as it currently stands…and then this bitch would break out a marker and some blank paper and present the gathering with a challenge – let's fix this broken ass shit.

Not tinker with it…not denounce the ideas of others without offering solutions…and not piss in the bowl of reform Corn Flakes just to score political points at the expense of the American people.

It seems beyond logical to start by publicly admitting that we have a problem...that what exists today has not been, is not now and will not work.

And this is one of the most important policy debates this nation has ever faced.

A bitch shudders to think of the record setting reality denying stankified panderific 'Is that camera on?' bullshit sure to plague it.

Sigh.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Election congrats…

Yesterday was Election Day and y’all know a bitch adores an election!

Congrats to fellow blogger Antonio French on his St. Louis City Alderman win in Ward 21!

And congrats to a certain Shane Cohn on his St. Louis City Alderman win in Ward 25!

And a huge CONGRATS to the…umm, win-based defeat in the Great 2009 Battle of Shaw (otherwise known as the Shaw Special Business District property tax increase confrontation at the polls). A bitch was beyond impressed with the organizing that went into that…even if my ass never did get one of those yard signs (sigh).

This bitch would like to point out that Shaw Special Business District tax increase was defeated 782 against to 377 in favor.

782 votes between a $.50 per every $100 valuation property tax increase and home owners.

We the people need to stay focused and continue to get our vote on...because local elections can turn into monumental political moments while the masses are not watching.

Or property tax increases.

Blink.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

What, no clowns?

A bitch is working on my second cup of coffee (bless the gods) and watching the Today Show…a special edition of the Today Show…Matt Lauer live at the New York Stock Exchange much like he’d be ‘on scene’ for a natural disaster.

Daaaaaaaaamn!

They open up with a live shot of the horrific scene (in this case, the freakishly quiet almost vacant floor of the NYSE).

Lauer explains why he is there (“oh, the humanity!!) and lists off the carnage (the market has sunk to a 12 year low).

Then he brings in the sorta-experts…Jim ‘I’m a heart attack waiting to happen’ Mad Money Kramer and Erin “if this crazy motherfucker yells one more time I’m going to drop him right here on national television’ Burnett…and lets them discuss/debate/argue/yell/agree to disagree and ultimately say nothing of substance about the economy and what we can expect out of the markets today.

Moving fast, because Gawd forbid they take time to actually discuss a damn thing, Lauer tosses a lateral to Chuck Todd…who explores the Obama administration’s economic plan by discussing the latest cabinet nominee with a tax problem in less than 60 seconds.

Somehow the action swerves further off course to feature a smidge of the Rush v. Steele ‘does it matter who is driving the bus when the fucker is out of gas?’ flare up.

But before a bitch can even process how strange that shit is there’s Meredith V. chatting with Tavis Smiley about political accountability and his new book.

Pause...consider...continue.

Lawd, there really should be a law against Fellini-esque morning television.

Blink.

Monday, March 02, 2009

A caution about abuse…

A certain someone who shall remain anonymous sent a bitch an email asking for my thoughts on the alleged assault of Rihanna by Chris Brown. Anonymous said that she is a teen who has a friend in an abusive relationship and that she is angry over recent news reports stating that Rihanna has reunited with Brown. She expressed worry that her friend would do the same thing and confusion over why anyone would stay in a relationship that was abusive.

Sigh.

I have avoided posting about this because so much is unclear and what little is clear has been exploited by the press.

But what I won’t avoid is the following caution about abuse.

Shall we?

I have never been the victim of physical abuse…but I was the victim of emotional and verbal abuse by my mother.

I spent years blaming myself for not being perfect…then blaming society for not seeing what we worked so hard to disguise, for not sensing what I had been trained to distract attention away from. I thought I deserved the rants, the tantrums, the cruel words and the vicious taunts.

Even when I decided that enough was enough…it wasn’t. I left home at 16 to attend college, but a connection remained.

And with a simple phone call or over a week during break the pattern was re-established.

I…the wrong, the flawed and the one who called down criticism upon myself.

She…the authority, the parent and the one burdened with imperfect children in need of discipline.

I didn’t break from my mother until I was thirty and that final break wasn’t the result of another incident.

It was time and right.

And I’m sure there are people who say that it must not have been that bad…that I share responsibility because I stayed or returned or blah, blah and blah.

Sigh.

Whatever may come of this single news story, I caution folks to try to understand that leaving isn’t easy.

Staying is not an admission that things aren’t that bad.

I have known abuse and I have known the struggle to get away, the pressure that is still tossed my way to forgive and forget and the guilt that flares at the strangest times.

And I know that there isn’t a damn thing easy or simple about it…

…even though I know it was the right thing for me to do.

National Domestic Abuse Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
TTY 1-800-787-3224
Info. for teens is available here