Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Happy Halloween!

Lawd, it feels like a bitch has been celebrating Halloween for ever and a day this year.

Thank Gawd the day is finally upon us, because my Bitch of the Damned costume is barely holding on.

Sigh.

Nothing to do but indulge in caramel apples and push on to the finish (wink).

Happiest Halloween to y’all!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Visually stimulating but lacking content…

I just took a moment to view CNN.com’s Election Center 2008 section and a bitch is disturbed.

Catch that knee before it jerketh!

Y’all know that a bitch keeps an eye on all things mainstream media based because it’s important to know what the masses are consuming (wink).

Anyhoo, do people actually vote for candidates based on the shit listed on each candidate’s profile page? Because if they do that explains how Scooter B. slid his Divine Rights of Presidents ass into the Oval Office not once but twice!

The profile site has a picture of the candidate…that’s cool and I get that shit. But then it proceeds to break down where each candidate stands on the issues and that’s where CNN.com ran into trouble.

For example, Choice has been boiled down to Abortion and where a candidate stands on that issue is that they either support or don’t support abortion rights. But…ummm, that doesn’t tell me shit! How does the candidate define abortion rights…do they support parental notification…do they support abortion only in cases of rape or incest…do they support late term abortion?

And Choice is more complicated than support or lack of support for abortion. Sorry, but it is! Where does the candidate stand on public funding for birth control, comprehensive sex education versus abstinence only education, access to birth control at public schools, state notification of teen pregnancies and does the candidate support a woman’s right to get her motherfucking Emergency Contraception prescription filled without the pharmacist tossing up a tent and conjuring up a revival?

Lawd, have mercy!

They’ve got more space dedicated to which celebrity supports a candidate and how much money they threw behind that support than to where the candidate stands on the few issues they’ve decided matter…and that just ain’t right. Listing campaign advisors is okay but…Gawd, does it matter if Jodie Foster gave any of these people money?

Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Lily Tomlin but this bitch could do without knowing about her $2,000 donation to Hills’08 and could use some motherfucking depth on what these folks mean when they say Social Security reform.

Ugh.

And the campaign sites make CNN.com’s tour of political star fucking look like a doctorial thesis.

Logs off to send a strident e-mail to Wolfie B...

Duck motherfucker Part III –Which flag he doth pledge allegiance to…

A bitch has covered Vice President Dick Cheney’s adoration of hunting before in my ongoing series Duck Motherfucker (Part I and Part II).

It’s clear that Dickie C. can’t accomplish a basic hunting trip without some sort of drama and so it was true for his latest government subsidized over-aged frat party disguised as a hunt.

Dickie C. dedicated some 8 hours to the hunting of duck and pheasant unlucky enough to reside in the Hudson Valley. His ass must really like the Clove Valley Rod & Gun Club, because this is his second visit!
So…ummm…two visits with probably 8 hours of sorta-hunting each visit equals around 16 hours of immersion in all things Clove Valley Rod & Gun Club related…

…which makes a bitch question how the hell the Vice President, his fellow hunters, his staff and his security detail failed to notice the motherfucking confederate flag flying over the garage of the sorta-club.

He didn’t see it…they didn’t notice it…maybe the garage was open and it wasn’t visible?

Sniff followed by sniff…Lawd, that’s some powerful bullshit!

What I want to know is how the Vice President missed all those un-American confederate insurgents still lusting for a divided union and still pledging allegiance to the flag representing a terrorist supported rebellion against this nation’s democratically elected government…cough…lounging around at that “club” for hours on end?

My goodness, what are the odds that a group of confederate adoring bigots didn’t trade bullshit fairy tales of the good ole days while pretending to hunt?!?

Blink.

Cough.

As of post time, a bitch was not been able to get through to Thomas Chadwell at the Clove Valley Rod & Gun Club and inquire about membership requirements (wink)...

Monday, October 29, 2007

It all started in Maine over a health clinic...

Shall we?

A middle school in the great state of Maine (love ya like hot chowdah on a cold day!) has a health clinic. Parents may or may not elect to give consent for their children to use the clinic.

Great!

The clinic staff noticed that several students were sexually active and some were manifesting the potential outcomes of sexual activity…like getting pregnant.

Okay.

The staff made a recommendation that the clinic be allowed to dispense birth control pills (it’s my understanding that condoms were already available)…the school board got their debate on and made a ruling that the clinic would begin dispensing the pill to student patients…and all hell broke out.

Oh shit.

Now, this bitch has been volunteering with young women in the city of St. Louis for years and I am a mentor to a 14 year old young adult. As a result, I find myself incapable of tolerating bullshit on this topic.

Middle school students may be having sex.

Blink.

Middle school students can get pregnant…can contract STDs…and can be involved in sexually exploitative relationships.

I’ll say it one more time…middle school students are having sex and are, therefore, subject to all the good things and all the bad things that come from having sex.

We can debate parental rights versus the responsibilities of public health officials…we can debate the moral issue and the role of the media…we can even get into privacy rights as they relate to parents and student patients.

We can do all that shit and middle school students will still be engaging in sexual activity…it’s just less uncomfortable to do all of that shit than to dig into the issue of youth sex. It’s just feels better to slam the door…shut the book…and avoid the should never be avoided discussion than to talk openly, educate in a comprehensive manner and demystify S-E-X.

So each day another distraction-based argument is added to the mix in the hopes that overturning the decision to dispense birth control pills to middle school students in Maine will overturn the fact that middle school students are having sex.

But it won’t...and we all know that…and introducing the issue of middle schools reporting the sexual activity of students to the authorities is just more distraction based politics of the mind with some daunting ramifications.

Middle school students may be having sex…and now their ability to get information and protection without also bringing down the wrath of their parents is being debated through the language of ownership rather than guardianship. We’re talking about people not property and young people have rights too. Why not discuss those rights and how best to empower young people to make the right decisions and the responsibilities that come with those rights…Lawd, have mercy…rather than the potential legal notification of parents, administrators and the District Attorney if a student happens to go to the doctor and mention that last night he had sex.

Some middle school students are having sex…and the policy of denial will ensure that the wages of that sex are more likely to be disease, babies or death.

Many middle school students are experimenting with and curious about sex…and you should have had the talk years ago but you can still have that talk today. Comprehensive sex education often delays sexual activity and young people cite their parents or guardians as major influencers in their lives. Tell them why you want them to wait…tell them that not waiting comes with responsibilities…and tell them that they can come to you either way.

At some point we will be forced to address the issues of sex, young people and parents who are reluctant or unable to or lack the knowledge to teach their children lessons better learned prior to sex than during a make-out session disguised as "we’re not doing anything, honest...we're just watching High School Musical".

It is long past time for communities to be proactive and have the difficult conversations now…

…because this issue isn’t going anywhere and sex isn’t losing its popularity, which is why we’ve got a constant supply of middle school students who may or may not be having sex.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Genarlow Wilson to be freed…

In a 4-3 ruling, the Georgia Supreme Court has ruled that Genarlow Wilson’s mandatory 10 year sentence for a consensual was cruel and unusual punishment.

Wilson’s release is imminent.

Breaking News – Americans Stressed the Hell Out….

One third of us are under extreme stress and are probably fixin' to blow!

Blink.

Apparently, hearing that Americans are stressed the hell out is shocking to some.

Gasp!

What the fuck ever. A bitch thinks that one third number is fucking low.

Golly, I wonder for whence the stress comes…

Well, the economy may be growing but paychecks are on a starvation diet…the nation is neck deep in a multi-front war with the Bush administration making calf eyes at another military confrontation with Iran…our schools aren’t educating the youth…violent crime is up…the cost of fuel is through the roof…my generation views Social Security in the same light in which we view the floppy disk…health care has become such a luxury a bitch expects to find it listed in the Neiman Marcus Holiday catalogue…the drought and those fires…the work still undone to clean up from those hurricanes and that flood…people can’t keep their house, afford a house, heat a house or furnish a house…and just about everyone running for office sounds like they are running in some other country where the milk is flavored with honey and dawgs shit rent money daily.

Pause…sip water…continue.

Add to that the regular life shit…my stress over my volunteer work, the fact that my body is falling the fuck apart and my uterus has declared war, and don’t get me started about Miss SisterGirl Cabrio showing her ‘I need an oil change’ ass...cough…Theo and Betsey dawg-based walk guilt, the bills upon bills upon bills…gasp…the cost of 1% organic milk and…

Lawd, have mercy...I think I can feel my Afro going white.

Blink.

Fuck it, nothing to do but do…

In the win-ter, in the sum-mer,
Don't we have fun,
Times are bum and get-ting bum-mer,
Still we have fun
There's nothing sur-er,
The rich get rich and the poor get high blood pressure
In the mean-time, In be-tween time,

Ain't we got fun!?

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Pondering hypotheticals…

Whenever I hear a political candidate say that they will not answer a hypothetical question I get pissed…and when the questioner takes that spoonful of bullshit in one swallow it drives me crazy.

This bitch has consumed news story after news story that begs to be transformed into a hypothetical question for a wanna-be President!

The California wildfire story
Do you think all major cities should have a disaster relocation plan and, if so, what assistance will your administration provide states in developing such plans?

How much of the response in California is due to the state government versus federal government and what would you do to guarantee that American citizen’s likelihood of being left to rot during a disaster isn’t a factor of which state they live in?

Blink.

The Scooter B. Sanctions against Iran developing story…
Given the growing affection between Russia and Iran, would you have issued sanctions against Iran’s military?

If Scooter B. takes this nation to the brink of war with Iran what would you do with that inheritance?

Since Russia plays a huge role in this diplomatic equation, how the hell would you deal with that shit?

The Space Shuttle story married to the cost of war story married to the housing market story married to that old mission to mars story
The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan will cost trillions to continue, America has never had a housing recession without a wider recession and our national debt doesn’t look to be going anywhere. Despite the recent successes surrounding the Space Shuttle many question the renewed call for space exploration given our economic situation. If elected President would you pursue Scooter B.’s quest for Mars or would you scale back the space program?

The Turkish border crisis story…
Many see the developing military hostilities between Turkey and Kurdish rebels as a taste of things to come given the lack of progress in Iraq and the continued strain being put on border nations. How do you plan to balance border conflicts with the internal objectives of the war and how do you plan to proactively address these issues as they play a factor in the withdrawal of American forces?

The Red Headed Neanderthal story

Blink.

Okay, maybe not the red headed Neanderthal story.

Anyhoo...

Why the hell are these candidates being allowed to state their policies without addressing how those policies would apply to real world shit?

Hmmm?

***Sound of crickets getting their groove on***

Shit.

Bad Boy vodka?

A bitch must confess that I’m completely out of the loop on all things Diddyfied.

Ummm, he is still P. Diddy, right? Lawd! Well what the fuck is his name now...Puff the Magic Trend Whore?

Shit.

You know who the fuck I'm talking about.

Cough.

But this bitch does know vodka (wink).

So news that the artist (wince)…make that business man formerly known as Puffy has struck a deal to promote Ciroc vodka caught my attention.

"It is not an endorsement deal," he told the Associated Press. "This is something that will have my daily attention."

Oh my!

Vodka certainly has this bitch’s daily attention, so where the fuck is my endorsement deal (frowns in the general direction of Sweden and then Russia)?

Humph.

Puff (we’re not close, but I can’t think of anything else to call him ) went on to say about the target Ciroc vodka consumer…"They're looking for something that tastes like their lifestyle….It's that trendsetter, that hipster, someone who's looking for luxury and looking for something better."

A bitch hasn’t tried Ciroc vodka…I’m a purist and the wine grape thing turned me off from jump...so I hit the internets to see what fellow vodka drinkers think of it.

According to vodkaphiles.com’s reviews you either love this shit or want to smack the hell out of the asshole who poured it for you.

I've long suspected that the trendsetter hipster lifestyle tastes like bullshit, but I had no idea it actually tastes more like Glade Plug-in scented perfume over ice!

Dammmn.

And I don't know what's more disturbing, a company paying someone $100 million to pitch vodka distilled from wine grapes or the thought of Sean Combs as a luxury brand builder.

Mercy.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Scooter B. wants Cuba to or is that too...

Let’s just jump right on in, shall we?

Scooter B. (President Bush to the uninitiated) has delivered a sorta-speech on Cuba.

Close eyes…pray for strength…continue.

Specifically, Scooter B. talked about the government he envisions for a post-Castro Cuba.

Blink.

A bitch is always fascinated when political leaders from this country openly discuss their plans for the governments of other countries. Lawd have mercy, they don’t even bother getting their Operation Mongoose on anymore!

Anyhoo…

Scooter B. spoke.

Gulp.

“Now is the time to stand with the Cuban people as they stand up for their liberty. And now is the time for the world to put aside its differences and prepare for Cuban's transitions to a future of freedom and progress and promise."

As long as “prepare for Cuban’s transitions to a future of freedom and progress and promise” isn’t Bushified code for actively work to bring about the second coming of Batista.

Pause…wait for Scooter B.’s minions to Google Batista…continue.

Shouldn’t Cubans decide how they want to live without the selfish influence of the American political machine?

And freedom, progress and promise are not the history of the United States of America’s influence in the Caribbean and I doubt we’ll break the cycle of fucking up with post-Castro Cuba.

Blink.

Go on….

"The dissidents of today will be the nation's leaders. And when freedom finally comes, they will surely remember who stood with them."

Blink followed by blink followed by blink.

Now how the fuck does Scooter B. already know who the free people of Cuba will elect to leadership?

Oh…right…my bad.

Continue!

"As with all totalitarian systems, Cuba's regime no doubt has other horrors still unknown to the rest of the world…. “Once revealed, they will shock the conscience of humanity, and they will shame the regime's defenders and all those democracies that had been silent."

Perhaps…but then again we know a little something about remaining silent to the human rights offenses perpetrated by a strategic ally, don’t we?

Fuck milk.

Got shame?

And while we search the barren shelves of our ethical fridge…cough…a bitch submits that it is a mistake to view Cuba as a nation that was free and then was taken over by Castro and will once again be free. Cuba writhed under the economic corruption and repressive dictatorship of our friend Batista…and the Cuban people suffered for America’s gain.

If we owe Cubans anything, it is an acknowledgement of our role during Batista and our role during Castro, so that the citizens of Cuba…the poor and the workers who get spoken for but are rarely allowed to speak…can decide from a place of knowledge whether they want us to have a role in Cuba’s future.

Colonies are built on the hopes and dreams of distant governments…

…free societies are built by the people, for the people and are of the people.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Our domestic yellowcake situation…

A bitch stands in solidarity with members of the Navajo Nation who have testified before Congress about the damage done through the use of Navajo land to test and mine for uranium.

The EPA estimates that there are 520 abandoned uranium mines in the Navajo Nation.

The Southwest Research and Information Center estimates there could be as many as 1,200 abandoned mines and related sites on Navajo land.

These sites pose a continued surface and groundwater contamination risk, continue to poison the land and put Navajo people at risk for illness and death.

Please take the time to read this article.

If your Representative is a member of the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform please contact them and let them know how you, the people, feel about this issue.

All together now, people...

But that noise ain’t joyful…

A bitch adores gospel music. I was raised in a traditional black Baptist church and have a deep connection with the music of faith even though I no longer recognize the pulpit politics that now reign supreme behind church walls.

Somehow…somewhere…the church of my youth was high-jacked by overtly homophobic money hungry freaks who preach the gospel of denial rather than The Word, which is love.

Some may ask me why I moved away from the church but I question why the church moved away from me.

Yet gospel music remains the testimony of the church I used to know and love.

Precious Lord, take my hand
Lead me on, let me stand

Of the encouragement that has been replaced by judgment…

I’m tired, I’m weak, I’m ‘lone
Through the storm, through the night

Of the inspiration that has been replaced by humiliation...

Lead me on to the light
Take my hand precious Lord, lead me home

Of the never faltering love offered to all people that has been replaced by the prosperity gospel and the language of “us” and “those people”.

I’ve learned to keep the faith through the music as I've learned to keep my distance…

…which is a lesson the Obama camp is learning the hard way.

Drink Pink – Save the date, damnit!

Drink Pink is coming up, y'all!

What could be better than a costume party and special event to benefit the Susan G Komen Passionately Pink for the Cure Foundation?

Tuesday, October 30, 2007 from 7-11pm

The Royale Food & Spirits at 3132 S. Kingshighway Blvd. at Arsenal

Admission is free…there will be a fantabulous silent auction that will include that new AngryBlackBitch wall clock you’ve been longing for (wink)…the music is gonna kick ass…and pink drinks shall floweth all night!

Proceeds benefit the Susan G. Komen Foundation.

Music by DJ Rock Candy

Hosted by Ryan Brunner, Jane Wilker and Tracie Stoesser

Sponsors:
Lucky You Productions
Rob Thurman
The Vital Voice newspaper

Happy birthday wishes to Jeff!

I wish you more than happiness…


…I wish you dawgesque happiness and joy times three (wink)!

Monday, October 22, 2007

Keeping it real moment of the day…

ABB’s friend regarding Colbert for President.

“He better watch out or he’s going to fuck up and win.”

Blink.

I don’t remember asking him a goddamn thing!

Shit is unfolding so quickly in the world of international nuclear tension raising overt escalations that a bitch has been struggling to keep up!

Mercy.

Okay, so Scooter B. called Iran part of the Axis of Evil back in the day and then clarified that shit by saying that the most evil thing about Iran is their nuclear program. The United States then launched into a Yo Momma battle with Iran that is still going on.

I’ve got that!

Iran refuses to cease their nuclear program which they say has nothing to do with weapons. The United States says their bullshitting and the only reason they are pursuing this program is to cook up some nuclear weapons and thus threaten the world.

Which brings a bitch to recent events and a whole lot of someone please tell him to shut the fuck up drama.

Cough.

Secretary of State Rice traveled to Moscow to chat face to face with Russian leaders. Rice met with Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov and called on Russian to have America’s back when we call for Iran to be sent to diplomatic time-out for defying the international community with their nuclear program.

But hold up and wait a minute…blink…because Russia wasn’t trying to hear that shit! Mmmhmmm, Lavrov called Rice’s position “unhelpful” and then tossed out that the United States needs to back up off of those missile defence shield plans and then maybe Russia will think about talking to their friend Iran about doing or not doing a damn thing.

Oooooh!

Rice was shocked (gasp)…Russia was smug…and that was just the shit that went down in front of the cameras.

Oooooooh one more time!

Where was I?

Oh yes, Russia was telling us to check ourselves before we wreck ourselves and we were visibly shocked.

Blink.

After dissing Condi-Gates Incorporated, President Putin left and flew over to visit...?

Survey says?!?

Iran!

Blink once more.

While in Iran, Putin offered up that he and other leaders should allow peaceful nuclear activities…and then he said that Iran and Russia were BFF (hell, they probably exchanged friendship bracelets).

Into this river of shit waded Vice President Cheney, who announced that Iran is an obstacle to peace and the world will not stand by and allow Iran to (insert action we do but do not want them to do because they had a party on the Caspian Sea with Russia and didn’t invite us).

Now, I don’t remember asking him a goddamn thing (wink)…the man but opens his mouth and wars break out...and since when does the world no longer include Russia?

Could someone please tell this wretched motherfucker that Russia is making a play for power and that the power they are playing for was ours before this nation lost its mind and resurrected fubar in the Middle East.

Don't get me wrong...I don’t think Dickie C. is under the delusion that the United States of America speaks for the world.

No, I think he has a hard on for the Cold War and is trying to bring that profitable state of ever expanding military budgets back.

Blink.

Because if one is looking for who restarted the Cold War one needs to start with the head motherfuckers in charge who didn’t want it to end in the first place.

Saved by soft rock…

To the pretentious shit driving a Hummer (which is the vehicular equivalent of shouting I’M A COMPLETE ASS, by the way) who cut this bitch off going 50 mph in a construction zone whilst my ass was driving back from a bitness meeting in West Fuckville (hence my bad mood and burnt nerves)…

…you owe the rest of your day and the condition of your tacky as hell car to soft rock radio.

Blink.

Because the only thing that came between my baseball bat and your front window was Wilson Philips.

Your tired ass ain’t slick.

This bitch just decided to hold on for one more day, motherfucker.

Friday, October 19, 2007

A gospel break...

Enid II is bothering me…I’m stressed the hell out…my mentee is manifesting drama…there aren’t enough hours in the day…there’s too much to do and I’m not doing any of it well…

Sigh.

I need a gospel break.

Let’s see…ah, yes…Donnie McClurkin’s Stand.

Tell me what do you do when you've done all you can
And it seems like you can't make it through
Child you just stand
You just stand
Stand
Don't you give up
Through the storm , through the rain
Through the hurt , through the pain

Well, you just stand
When there's nothing left to do
You just stand
Watch the Lord see you through
Yes, after you've done all you can
You just stand
Don't you bow, don't bend
Don't give up, don't give in
Hold on, just be strong
God will step in and it won't be long
Tell me, how do you handle the guilt of your past?
Tell me, how do you deal with the shame?
And how can you smile when your heart is broken and filled with pain?
Tell me what do you give when you've given your all
Seems like you can't make it through?
After you've done all you can
After you've gone through the hurt
After you've gone through the pain
After you've gone through the storm
After you've gone through the rain
Prayed and cried,
you've prayed and cried
Prayed and cried,
prayed and cried
After you've done all you can, you just stand.
Child you just stand, when there's nothing left to do
You just stand
Watch the Lord see you through
Yes, after you've done all you can
You just stand.

Yes.

A question of liberty…

While the Senate quizzes Scooter B.’s nominee for Attorney General of the United States we all might want to explore some shit along with them.

Blink.

We the people might want to ask ourselves what the fuck the Senate and the nominee are discussing…and how their answers define our nation before the world and before our fellow citizens.

Nominee Mukasey is being asked a lot of questions about torture. He has responded that he can not say whether techniques like water boarding are torture techniques…but he insists that torture would violate the United States Constitution.

Cough.

Therefore, Mukasey can not say whether or not the United States government is currently or has recently violated the United States Constitution.

Pause…allow to marinate…continue.

While Senators and the nominee split and then split again the intellectual torture hair the masses are presented with a crucial opportunity, because if the question of torture is before our government then it is also before us.

I’ve heard many a political talking head discuss torture and say that it saves lives…it protects Americans…it is a necessary tool…and blah followed by blah followed by blah.

I don’t believe that to be true, but it does raise an interesting question.

Do I, as a citizen, value the principles of the human rights and liberty more than I value security if the cost of that security be the violation of those rights?

Blink.

How much of our national identity are we willing to sacrifice in the name of safety?

We’ve faced this question before. The World War II Japanese internment camps come to mind and our answer then did not serve our nation well. The government gathered up United States citizens, forced them to abandon their homes and businesses, sent them to armed camps where they were subject to execution for trying to flee, and set about denying them their rights daily in the name of national security.

Despite this affront, Japanese American soldiers served with the honor this nation was actively denying them and their families.

When the dust settled our government emerged tarnished by the harsh glare of history…those unjustly detained were given reparations but money ain’t justice…and our national identity is still healing.

Such incidents litter our history and point out that the struggle for liberty is a work in progress. And now I watch a debate over how far we are willing to go and can’t help but wonder when we will cross the line and so compromise who we are that we no longer recognize the nation we’re torturing people to protect.

Give me liberty or give me slavery…give me liberty or give me segregation…give me liberty or give me internment…give me liberty or give me McCarthyism.

Give me liberty…

…or give me torture?

Lawd have mercy, for that is the question…

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Wash your hands...

Okay, so the news that a super resistant strain of staph has made the move from hospitals to public schools is freaking me out.

Wash your hands, wash your hands, wash your hands!

Lawd, have mercy.

Anyhoo….nasty!

Whew.

Anyhoo, The Today Show dedicated a segment to this staph thang today and they had the Julie Gerberding, MD, MPH from the CDC (can a bitch overdose on acronyms?) on who said the most curious thing about how to reduce the spread of the drama.

She said the usual about washing hands and covering thy mouth when coughing…and then she mentioned the need to see a physician if a cut gets red or begins to puss and so forth.

Blink.

See a physician…and be proactive.

Staph spreading in public schools kept bouncing off of the need for folks to see a physician sooner rather than later is their wound gets funky in my mind.

It has been bothering a bitch all fucking day!

And then...just about 20 minutes ago…I realized why the advice of Julie Gerberding, MD, MPH of the CDC pissed me off.

Because our government can’t commit to insuring every American child but an agent or an arm of the government recommends going to the fucking doctor to prevent death by staph infection.

Gawd damn it all to hell, that’s the ever fucking point!

When millions of Americans are uninsured then millions of Americans do not proactively go to the doctor. They wait…until they have to…until they can’t stand the pain anymore and then they go to the emergency room where what was once a minor thing is diagnosed to be a ‘shit, I never thought I’d see **insert medical horror** outside of a textbook’ situation.

Not insuring children doesn’t change that shit one bit. If we have a whooping cough outbreak…and millions of children are uninsured…then families will have to weigh making rent with going to get that shit checked out. Treatment delayed is prevention delayed which is like winning the lottery for your average nastified disease.

And I sure as shit hope the CDC factors the uninsured into their worst case scenario because it doesn’t look like Mr. Support a Culture of Life is going to be granting that support or any part of his budget to healthcare for children any time soon.

Fuck this fucking shit.

Fubar is spreading through the homeland and looks to be contagious as a motherfucker...

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Beckoning autumn…

A bitch is beyond pissed off about this warm weather.

Regional warmification is ruining my favorite time of year!

Where the fuck is my frost, for the love of all that’s long of sleeve and made of wool?!?

Shit.

Mayhap a bitch could beckon the cold by pretending that my ass can get my autumn-based joy on without it.

ABB’s Beckoning of Autumn List of Needed Things…
Long comfy form disguising sweaters
Tea….lots and lots of tea (served in my ABB Mug, of course).
Shortbread biscuits…to go with the tea
Bourbon…to go with the tea and the biscuits (wink)

Flannel…lots and lots of flannel.
Ummm.

Blissfully comfortable insulated slippers
Marshmallows…to go with the graham crackers…to go with the chocolate (yum!)
Vegetable stew with dumplings.
Buttermilk biscuits to go with the stew.

Sigh.

Gawd, I hope a week of sweating under my flannel while shoveling stew, biscuits and bourbon laced tea down my gullet does the trick!

Lies beget lies beget lies beget drama…

Let’s jump right on in, shall we?

I watched Matt Lauer’s interview of Senator Larry Craig last night and, despite all hopes that it would be an evening of schadenfreudel bliss, I was disturbed. Maybe it was the result of some recent deception based events I’ve personally experienced…or maybe it was just the tragedy of what unfolded on screen…but that shit troubled me deeply.

My Grandmère, bless her soul, used to say that lies beget lies beget lies beget drama and damn it if life doesn’t constantly prove her right.

Lately, I’ve been making a study of it.

There is the initial lie…the “I’m straight” or “I’m sane” or “I’m a doctor” and so forth. I’ve noticed that there is almost always a motive of gain…some sort of personal or financial benefit that inspires the lie.

Then there is the first question or request for clarification that sets the lie into motion. “What do you do?” “Where do you work?” “When is the baby due?” “Why did you issue a formal statement after that Congressional Page scandal leaked when no one else did?”

What follows is less the living of a lie and more the living life as a sequence of potentially lie exposing moments of anxiety. Someone asks a question that you should know and you don’t know the answer and you have to either handle that shit or fumble it. Each moment of truth adds another item to be juggled and another lie to be maintained.

Oh but there is always a moment of dramatic exposure. The lie is outed…the truth is reveled. Perhaps the liar is arrested while soliciting gay sex…or maybe a personal phone number is found in an alleged madam’s phone book...or mayhap a navy blue dress is sent in for forensic analysis.

Or could it be that someone shows up at the place where you said you worked only to find you do not and never did work there?

Blink.

Oh the damage damaged people do.

Last night was yet another performance of declaration diplomacy…another fool trying to speak something into being.

I see Senator Craig’s “I’m not gay.” as just another version of that same sorry ass conservative strategy.

Doesn’t “I don't think our troops ought to be used for what's called nation building.” beget “In the battle of Iraq, the United States and our allies have prevailed.” beget “America does not torture.” beget “We will do what it takes.” beget “We want to put poor children first.” beget drama upon drama upon drama…

…and damage upon damage upon damage upon damage?

What shall it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul? (Matthew 16:26).

What indeed?

What indeed…

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Did someone misplace an asshole?

Okay, so a bitch is sitting here…it’s about 2:20pm…and Christopher Hitchens’ rancid self is late for his interview on NPR’s Talk of the Nation.

Tacky ass motherfucker, isn’t he?

Hell, the only reason I’m tuning in is to hear him talk about Thomas Paine…who Hitch is beyond unworthy to talk about and whose works are the inspiration for this bitch’s yet unfinished book (wince and make note to schedule more writing time).

Gawd, the man is more than 30 minutes late!

Mmmhmmm.

Just as I suspected.

No…home...training!

Fuck it, the show’s probably better without him and his twisted thoughts on my beloved Common Sense.

Pause…consider…continue…

I mean, Hitch has become predictable to the point of being boring and bitch could do without another round of him droning on about how ***insert person...in this case Paine*** is or isn’t brilliant because he was or wasn’t born vaginally.

Blink once again.

Now would be a good time to mention that our local NPR station…the fantabulous 90.7 KWMU…is in the midst of a pledge drive.

Three cheers for NPR!

Go forth and pledge…you probably just got paid (wink)…and if you miss Christopher Hitchens worry not because that man couldn’t break down Common Sense if his next snifter of Scotch depended on it.

Oh shit...they're chatting about the Jena Six case instead (logs off whilst thanking the radio schedule gods for this bounty of a topic change)...

Monday, October 15, 2007

Anticipating the Senator Craig interview…

Matt Lauer has landed a Senator Larry Craig interview.

Blink.

What?

Oh c’mon!

This is not a case of a bitch keeping this story alive. Blame that on a certain Senator who continues to fight for the right to stand wide.

And a bitch isn’t even going to pretend to be above enjoying a conservative taken down by his own hypocrisy and men’s room foot tappification.

Shit, The Senator Craig Show is looking to be the break-out (unless you’re a neo-con buried deep in your closet) hit of the year!

Mmmhmmm, and those teaser media leaks about Craig accusing Romney of throwing him under the bus then backing up to run him over again...fucking priceless!

A bitch awaits the interview on the morrow...

By request, It was Sunday so it was Meet the Press…

A certain Wilson from Boston sent a bitch a request for my thoughts regarding this past Sunday’s Meet the Press. For those of you who missed it (and shame on you, because it was Sunday so hello, it should have been Meet the Press) Bill Cosby and Dr. Alvin Poussaint were on for the full hour to discuss their new book Come on, People.

Blink.

Shall we?

I spent most of my Sunday cleaning my house and then had a visit with my mentee, so this bitch caught Meet the Press through the magic of TiVo around 8 o’clock last night.

As usual, this bitch hit fast-forward and conducted a Status Check Feminist View-By to see if there were any women featured. I highly recommend this move prior to viewing any political chat show (wink) because some of the shit guests say is a direct result of their knowing who, if anyone at all, they will have to debate.

My feminist view-by swiftly determined that the show not only lacked a black woman’s perspective…not only lacked any woman’s perspective…but lacked any perspective other than that of Cosby-Poussaintism and Russertian theory (say it isn’t so, Meet the Press…say it isn’t so!!!).

Although dismayed, a bitch went back to the beginning and hit play once again...

Full Disclosure - a bitch has not read Come on, People yet so this response is based solely on the Meet the Press interview.

...and this bitch was not pleased.

And the flock asked… “But Shark-Fu, there were two celebrated black people talking about the problems facing black America for a full hour on Meet the Press! How could you be anything but thrilled?”

And a bitch replied… “This bitch is never thrilled when paternalesque pontifications go unchallenged…and my ass isn’t passing out cookies to reward yet another discussion of our community that blindly applauds the middle class while thoroughly chastising the urban poor.”

Oh, I was not surprised…that kind of shit often happens when black feminists aren’t at the table.

Blink.

Nor was I empowered by the healthy portion of Father Knows Best judgment wrapped in underhanded praise dealt out by both Cosby and Poussaint towards the efforts of black women within the community. Blaming women’s liberation for the growth of single parent households headed by women is fucked up from the floor up, which is exactly what I would have called it had my ass been at the table (not a hint, trust…but you know what I mean).

And I was not encouraged by the dismissal given to Eugene Robinson’s opinion, which touches on the economic divide within modern black America. Saying that a lot of middle class blacks are involved in the “community” does not make it so nor does it address the huge impact the withdrawal of the black middle class from the black community has had and will continue to have.

But I’m not at all surprised…the inconvenient truth is almost always the truth left unstated.

But above all, I am disappointed in Meet the Press for presenting yesterday’s show as a discussion when the very set up made it impossible for it to be anything other than an over glorified infomercial masquerading as news.

Discussing the state of black America requires an acknowledgement that black America is diverse…that my opinion is not automatically that of my sisters of brothers…that our individual experience as black people is tied to our position in or outside or sorta-inside/outside of that too often generalized community…and that part of the problem is that the “problem” continues to be debated by rich black men of a certain age and religious background who speak of those other black people and go on and on about how their music and their lack of values are making us look bad.

I see the damage the rejection of feminism and feminist empowerment has done to my sisters and brothers. I see the lack of diverse role models the gospel of greed has produced…the oft lauded middle class still missing in action or seasonally involved…the hypocrisy of the black clergy and the fallout of religious elitism…the lack of black investment in black communities and businesses…the judgment without context and the expectations without a plan…and the depression that goes untreated while so-called black leaders profit from their participation in the business end of Civil Rights.

I look about my 'hood and see the apathy that is generated and maintained by yet another discussion about us taking place without us.

Blink.

In the words of bell hooks, "I will not have my life narrowed down. I will not bow down to somebody else's whim or to someone else's ignorance."

But I will read the book.

Oh my, I hope this post doesn't delay my review copy (wink).

And I fear not the debate for 'tis silence that announces defeat.

Friday, October 12, 2007

And then they came for my beloved MAC Underworld…

That's it.

Enough is enough!

A bitch just read this shit about lipsticks containing lead and…well, ENOUGH IS DAMN WELL ENOUGH!

My lipstick may or may not have lead in it?

Is nothing sacred?!

Sob.

Is a bitch to be denied the happiness and joy that MAC Underworld provides?!?

Ugh!

KHAAAAAAAAN!

Blessed are the peacemakers…

Congratulations go out to a certain Vice President Al Gore who has been co-awarded the Noble Peace Prize. Gore shares the prize with the United Nations' Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change.

Some look at things that are, and ask why.
I dream of things that never were and ask why not?

George Bernard Shaw

Go on with your bad self, Mr. Gore!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Happy National Coming Out Day!

A bitch just got my groove on to Cheryl Lynn singing the hell out of Got to Be Real!

What you find-ah
What you feel now

What you know-ah
To be real!

What you find, ah(I think I love you, baby)
What you feel now(I feel I need you, baby)
What you know-ah
To be real!

Ooh, your love's for real now
You know that your love is my love
My love is your love
Our love is here to stay!

Whew!

Mmmhmmm, that’s what a bitch is talking about!

Go forth and be as real as The Divine One created us all to be, y'all…

…and when you work it be sure to work it with rhythm, for the love of all that’s holy (wink)!

That NPR thang...

Okay, okay, okay...so the fantabulous Michel Martin of NPR's Tell Me More reached out to a bitch about being on her show.

Blink.

She actually reached out a while ago, but a bitch didn't believe that it was really her.

What?

Do you have any idea how many messed up in the head wanna-be Talented Mr. Ripley's there are out there pretending to be normal?

Mmmhmmm, trust a bitch...it's like an epidemic in The Lou (nod to the church, who know exactly what a bitch is talking about).

Anyhoo, a bitch is a huge fan of Ms. Martin...her hair, which is looking fierce (wink), and her political commentary to be sure. Oh and much love to Ms. Jennifer too, who helped pull everything together at the last minute!

So on the show I went!

Cough.

It was fun as hell (chatting with interesting people is the shit...indulges in moment of envy...damn it, I so want that kind of job!!!...then shakes it off) and I certainly hope to be invited back (hint followed by hint).

You should be able to listen or access the show here...

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=15180194

...and I don't want to hear any shit about how I sound (wink one more time).

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

A bitch is shaken to my core…

…because I agree with Dan Bartlett.

Sob.

Wait!

Wait, wait, wait…just listen!

It’s not as if I completely agree with the man (gulp followed by a blink).

But I do agree that Fred Thompson is a big motherfucking dud who was built up as the second coming of Reagan and comes across like a sleep deprived Ben Matlock…and I agree that social conservative voters will bullshit themselves on why they aren’t voting for Romney when they really can’t get down with the Mormon thing.

I even agree that Governor Huckabee is a candidate to watch out for…and that his name is going to come off un-Presidential to most conservative voters.

Blink.

But I disagree with Bartlett on the things that count, damn it…like whether the President has lost his damn mind, and whether Republicans have a good record to run on and that dinosaur bones are just evidence of mutated iguanas and have nothing to do with evolution!

Oh fuck…a bitch needs a cleanse, don’t I?

ABB’s Sharktastic Cleansification of Thy Liberal Soul Post Neo-con Sorta-Agreement…

I must act quickly before the poison is absorbed into my body (wink)!

...opens the sacred Book of Bitchitude to page 250...

It says here that I’m to read aloud the words of Robert F. Kennedy (his speech to South African students in 1966)…

“Some believe there is nothing one man or one woman can do against the enormous array of the world's ills -- against misery, against ignorance, or injustice and violence. Yet many of the world's great movements, of thought and action, have flowed from the work of a single man. A young monk began the Protestant reformation, a young general extended an empire from Macedonia to the borders of the earth, and a young woman reclaimed the territory of France. It was a young Italian explorer who discovered the New World, and 32 year old Thomas Jefferson who proclaimed that all men are created equal. ‘Give me a place to stand,' said Archimedes, ‘and I will move the world.'

These men moved the world, and so can we all. Few will have the greatness to bend history itself, but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation. It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.”

Sigh.

Oh yes.

A bitch is much better now...

...but Fred Thompson still looks like a roughed up Ben Matlock.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Let’s talk about breasts…

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and I hope to see all y'all locals at the Drink Pink event October 30 at The Royale...

...but right now this bitch would like to talk about breasts.

Breast awareness is important every month. As a woman of color who has reached a certain age (wince) I’m beyond freaked out by the news that black women are…well, we’re in crisis as regards the breasts.

Although this call to action isn’t WOC specific…all women should be vigilant in their breast awareness…I’m speaking specifically to my sisters of color because the data shows we’re less likely to receive early diagnosis, less likely to receive aggressive or alternative treatment and less likely to survive.

Blink.

So I'm asking you...all of you, because it ain't a bad idea for anyone...to call your sisters, aunts, cousins, Sorors, beast friends from back in the day, beautician, loctician and the woman who hooks up your nails….call them all and jump up in their breast-based business.

Ask them when the last time they had a well woman check-up was…a breast exam or mammogram…and when was the last time they did a self exam.

Jump up in the business of every woman you know…because breast cancer isn’t a solo experience, treatment takes a team and kicking cancer in the ass is a family affair.

I want to witness a sea of diversity sporting pink at the next Komen Race…and that means this bitch is going to be all up in all y’alls breast-based business (wink).

Check your breasts 7 days after your period every month…set a time each month to remind the women in your life to do the same…and get every abnormality checked out immediately!

Let’s commit to this together…

Great expectations, my black ass…

Lawd, a bitch woke up this morning in the foulest of moods. I’ve narrowed the problem down to overexposure to trifling ass motherfuckers and not enough sleep.

What?

A lot of people violate the Thou Shalt Not Trifle commandment of the United Church of Bitchitude and Latter Day Drunks. Add up those who where never raised, those who have totally forgotten their home training and those who have lost their motherfucking minds and…well, that’s a lot of people.

Blink.

Anyhoo, this bitch is in a mood.

Shall we?

Why the fuck is everyone discussing Fred Thompson’s first debate as if the man is five years old and this is his first day of all day school?

Hmmm?

I’d like to know.

Am I the only one who finds this “oh, I hope he doesn’t pee himself or drool!” pre-debate lowerfication of expectations familiar?

Jesus to Gawd, people! This is exactly what the conservative masters of spin did for Scooter B.!

Wince.

Don’t you see it?

Soylent Green is people!

Oh Gawd…its people, people!

Gasp!

Pause…collect thyself…continue.

A bitch is obviously concerned…and with good reason. Fred Thompson is being pitched to the right as the Mean Enough candidate…the guy who will kick that cute little progressive puppy twice and enjoy it. Those clever conservative spin masters have been all over the place stressing how intellectually lazy he is, how he’ll tow the evangelical line even though he doesn’t go to church and how he’s so allergic to rolling back the tax cut he has to carry an Epi-pen.

They don’t even care that Thompson, who was a young man in the 1960’s, somehow managed to circumnavigate the Vietnam War. It matters not as long as he maintains that pro Iraq War position.

Oh no…I’m not making much ado about nothing! Fred Thompson is Ronald Reagan and Scooter B. wrapped up into one fucked up from the floor up package!

He’s fat free decaf Soylent Green and that may be just the right spin to win him the Republican nomination.

We’ve got to anticipate this shit and prepare!

How do we guard against running the Arch Delux again (wince…it still stings) and at the same time expose the fact that fat free Soylent Green is people...people, damn it!!...without being accused of bullying a simple minded fool or pissing in the un-decideds' Corn Flakes?

Oh shit.

Fuck it all, I just made my own Afro hurt…

Monday, October 08, 2007

Give it to 'em Bitch (I got it!)

ABB, S.H.A.R.K.F.U. in command!

Mmmhmmm, y’all better watch out.

A bitch got my groove on to The Queen L.A.T.I.F.A.H. this morning.

Fantabulous!

A very special thank you to Dr. Lukas for bringing a lovely gift back for C-Money and this bitch from his trip to Mexico. Thank you! I can’t decide whether to put Sudafed or Excedrin in it (wink)!

And much love followed by multitudes of hugs for my brother in vodka, Absolut Billy. Happy birthday to you one more time, m’dear…and thanks for the t-shirt no one else understands!

And praise followed by extreme adoration go out to Ryan for scoring this bitch tons of German made Smartie-based joy whilst on vacation. A bitch is going to be illish…but fuck it all if it isn’t worth it.

Moving forward while stuffing my face with Smarties…

A certain student reader of this blog sent this bitch a request for my thoughts on Russia. Madison, who is 17 years old and “going fucking insane over this opinion paper from hell…HELP ME!!", would like to know why Russia gets away with murder (wince) while other countries get called out by the American press and international community for doing pretty much the same thing.

Great question, Madison!

I don't have an answer but I do have some thoughts.
Here goes.

When you were born a bitch was 17 my damned self (my how time flies...wince) and the Soviet Union was about a year away from official dissolution. The Cold War was coming to an end and political pundits were beyond giddy over what they saw as a victory for American style democracy.

Many a conservative gleefully praised the Reagan Administration for bringing about an end to Soviet domination and for maintaining the isolation that allowed for the void through which political opposition was able flourish then ultimately prevail. Most of these folks hoped that a massive wave of freedom would spread across the region liberating oppressed peoples hither and non and bringing light to a world cast for decades in darkness which would blah, blah and more blah.

Blink.

That was the spin…that the end to Soviet rule equaled the dawn of a democratic world. Regardless of the rumors of corruption and intimidation, no one dare stray from the party line because many a legacy had been linked to it.

Not everyone defines democracy the same way we do and we now know that some governments have democracy tattooed on their left ass cheek but have no plans to remove the hammer and sickle tattoo on their right ass cheek.
But America was claiming mission accomplished before the ink was dry on the Russian Constitution. We sure as shit didn't notice an expiration date because we were busy looking deeply into thyne new BFF's eyes and falling in love again, what were we to do...can't help it, damnit.
Blink.
Anyhoo...go forth and get your opinion on, Madison!

Best of luck on your paper and I look forward to reading it.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Church Reminder…


Faithful flock!

Don’t forget that the United Church of Bitchitude and Latter Day Drunks will be gathering for a debauch…umm, I mean some fellowship (wink) tonight at AMP around 10ish.

See you when I see you…

God said what?

My oh my, a bitch read this shit and…well, it gave me pause.

A certain Richard Roberts, son of Oral Roberts and President of Oral Roberts University (didn't Kathy Lee go there?), is hip deep in a misuse of funds-based scandal.

Mmhmmm…and it reads like a Bible-based soap opera.

Blink.

Come to think of it, this scandal would make a fantabulous soap opera.

Anyhoo, President Richard Roberts…son of a famed evangelist Oral Roberts and President of Oral Roberts University, is accused of illegal involvement in a local political campaign, spending donors' money like it’s going out of style (mmmhmm, allegedly got his house remodeled every year and shit like that!!)…and (gulp) he’s accused of using the university jet for his daughter's senior trip to the Bahamas.

Ummm, oh and there's the purchase of a snazzy little red Mercedes convertible and a Lexus SUV for his wife, Lindsay.

Nice.

Lindsay, wife of Richard and mother of their Paris Hilton in training, is accused of getting her shop on in the thousands, gifting the chil’ren of friends with scholarships to the university and...are you sitting down?...okay…and texting young men.

Sigh.

Texting and texting…and texting and texting…and texting and texting (oooooooh, no she didn't!) young men on university issued cell phones.

Ouch, baby.

Ouch.

Now, a bitch would have just filed this under another case of social conservatives behaving like social conservatives (Super Freaks…they're super freaky, yeah) but then President Richard Roberts said that God spoke to him.

Blink.

And the bitchitude faithful asked…“Shark-Fu! What did God tell him?”

And a bitch replied…

He said God told him… "We live in a litigious society. Anyone can get mad and file a lawsuit against another person whether they have a legitimate case or not. This lawsuit ... is about intimidation, blackmail and extortion."

Blink one more damn time.

Nope, I ain’t buying that shit either...just doesn’t sound like something She would say.

But it does sound suspiciously like Roy Black.

Mayhap he's perched on Roberts' left shoulder?

Thursday, October 04, 2007

I think you better call Tyrone…

And tell him come on, help you get your shit.

My goodness, this bitch is feeling musical today (wink).

All blessings to Ms. Badu!

Anyhoo, a certain Senator Larry Craig lost his bid to reverse his foot tapping fortune. His guilty plea regarding his solicitation in a Minneapolis airport restroom will stand.

Soooooo…ummm, uh…hello?

****sound of crickets getting their groove on****

Mayhap someone should call Tyrone for the Senator?

Mercy.

Don’t you remember you told me you’d govern, baby?

****to the music of Luther's Superstar****
Oh Congress?

Don't you remember you told me you loved me, baby?
You said you'd be seriously addressing this nation’s problems this time, baby
Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, oh, baby
I’m so over you
Yeah...I’m over you

Long ago
And oh, so far away
I fell in sorta-like with your platform (wink)
Before the 2006 election

And your speechifications
And you seemed so sweet and clear
But you weren’t really there
It was just complete bullshit!

Don't you remember you told me you’d govern, baby?
You said you'd be restoring oversight and fiscal responsibility, baby
Baby, baby, baby, baby, oh, baby, yeah
I’m over you
So over you…

Lawd have mercy.
Cough.

I’ve been told that good parents remember what it was like to be a child so I’m going to draw on that shit right now.

A bitch has been watching the back and forth sorta-debate going on over advertisements and ig’nant radio comments. Mmmhmmm, and I know what Congress is doing.

Do they think a bitch wasn’t a wee bitch once…and that I didn’t latch onto a juicy piece of distraction-based bullshit to avoid doing my homework back in the day?

Please...that move is as old as questioning the patriotism of your political enemy.

Blink.

But if Congress thinks for one hot second that they can bullshit around over who has been more inappropriate then slide their happy asses into the winter recess without handling the bitness they were elected to handle…well, they’ve got another thing coming.

Hey Congress!

You need to look at me when I’m talking to you.

Turn off the television and click that radio off, damn it! Since when do you have time to debate a newspaper ad when you haven’t debated a motherfucking piece of legislation in forever and a day?

Shit.

Y’all need to correct thyself if you intend to re-elect thyself!

Blink.

Damn it, these fools have a bitch sounding like my Grandmother...

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

If you even dream of denying me you need to wake up and apologize!

I have a policy of not linking directly to conservative sites but I’m making an exception in the case of Michael Medved and an article he wrote over at Townhall titled Six Inconvenient Truths about the United States and Slavery.

Thank you to Rikyrah for bringing this shit to a bitch’s attention.

Cough.

Shall we?

Last night this bitch and C-Money discussed Michael Medved’s attempt to put slavery into historical context...which resulted in him finding slavery not to be a bad thing and totally not a bad American thing...and we came up with a fantabulous business idea.

Blink.

What?

C-Money is always coming up with business ideas...that's why she's called C-Money.

Okay, here’s the deal. Michael Medved thinks that American slavery is getting a bum rap and that “America-bashers” are trying to spin the misconception that slavery was all wrong into a reparations money machine.

This bitch thinks that Michael is fucking insane...but not beyond the salvation of correction (anyone can be saved...wink)…which is why C-Money and this bitch think he needs to go to camp.

Mmmhmm, I said camp...

...Slave Camp.

What, damn it?

He’s the asshole saying that slavery wasn’t genocidal and that any thought of this country finding hundreds of years of forced labor profitable is inaccurate.

We'll just test that theory out.

Mike’s journey to camp will begin in West Africa where he, his wife Diane and their three children will be jumped during breakfast and without warning, stripped naked and examined then tossed into the belly of an honest to God slave ship along with everyone else from their zip code.

The Medveds will be housed in the belly of the slave ship chained together and situated head to toe and sometimes on top of one another. Well shit, we need to maximize space to make this slave adventure efficient.

If they survive the multi-month sea adventure...starving and surrounded by the stench of waste and death…they will arrive in Virginia where they will once again be examined then housed with everyone else who survived from their zip code. The young will be separated from the adults, but have no fear for Michael…slave masters weren’t big on age discrimination. Trust that Michael and his family will have plenty to do!

Mrs. Medved…oops, make that Dr. Medved…will watch her children sold in front of her to the highest bidder, her husband fondled and sold to the highest bidder only to have herself sold to a master.

Her PhD won't be worth shit...she's a slave after all...but she did produce three children which makes her a potential breeder.

Then it’s off to the plantation for everyone where, for the amazing salary of not a motherfucking dime, Michael and his sanctified family will be worked 18 hours a day 7 days a week to put money in his master’s pocket and food on his master’s table.

We envision Camp Slavery as the kind of year long adventure only a slavery denier like Medved could love.

But what the hell…slavery wasn’t all that bad, right?

We silly Negroes keep making much ado about nothing…right?

Denying the atrocity of American slavery isn't denying a genocide happened...right?

Wrong.

This kind of "it wasn't all that bad" revisionist bullshit is unacceptable and wrong. I'm particularly disgusted because I saw Medved's sorry ass on CNN a couple of weeks ago...mmmhmm, just chatting away as if he wasn't the insulting enabling peevish little shit he is.

CNN ought to be ashamed of themselves for having this sick motherfucker appear as a commentator. What’s next, Mel Gibson’s take on the future of Israel?

Keeping Them Honest, my black ass.

Anyhoo...

We’re working on the Trail of Tears Outdoor Experience concept and should have that one ready for the Medveds just in time for Michael's denial of atrocities and broken treaties regarding Native Americans scheduled for Thanksgiving.

Oh and the next time Michael Medved even dreams about denying me he needs to wake up and apologize...sorry ass motherfucker.

Shakesville…

A bitch is joining the fantabulous team at Shakesville!


Yes, I will continue to practicing the fine art of bitchitude here at and the content will be unique on both sites.

I’m beyond excited that the universe of bitchitude has expanded…

…and intend to celebrate tonight with Smarties and a sparkling grape soda.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Calling the Faithful of the United Church of Bitchitude and Latter Day Drunks!

Y’all.

There will be a meeting of the flock of the United Church of Bitchitude and Latter Day Drunks Friday.

When?

Friday October 5, 2007 around 10ish.

Where?

AMP on Manchester Ave at Boyle

Why?

Because we all need fellowship, damnit!

See y'all there...

Pictures!

This bitch hates having my picture taken…hate it, hate it, hate it.

As a result, there are only three or four pictures of me as a wee bitch…and very few photos of a grown bitch.
This is my favorite childhood picture because it also has C-Money smiling in the background…oh, and Spiderman too!

Anyhoo…

A bitch’s picture avoidance has probably contributed to that unfortunate is she really a black woman rumor so here goes…

…a pretty decent Afro day at the office if I may say so myself (wink).

Thank you Jeffrey for fitting a photo session into your busy day!

Damn unpretty...

This bitch was two sips in on my first cup of coffee when I glanced at the television set to see what was what on The Today Show…and beheld a sight inappropriate for morning viewage.

The Queen of Rancidity herself, Ann Coulter, was being interviewed by Mere (we’re not close, but a bitch has to admit I enjoy Ms. Vieira most of the time).

Lawd, that shit needed a ‘this segment contains language and images that may be disturbing to most humans so viewer discretion is advised’ warning…big time!

Anyhoo, once I got over the shock (c’mon, a bitch isn’t used to seeing frightfully thin faux commentators rocking the My Little Pony look…I told y’all I don’t watch FOX) this bitch listened to a re-run of Ann Coulter’s Delusional Bitterness Top Ten List only to find out that she was there to pitch a refried then twice baked version of Ann Coulter Never Made the Second Grade Kick Ball Team and She’s Not Over It Volume 10.

Blink.

Alright, Coulter was there to pitch her sorta-book and talk trash in service to the dark lords she loyally serves and everyone understood that The Today Show booked her to get an angry wild eyed conservative comment or two or three regarding the possibility that Evangelicals may form a third party rather than vote for Rudy.

In that moment…while watching Coulter perform…a bitch couldn’t help but think of Britney Spears.

Blink.

Yes, I said Ann Coulter on The Today Show reminded me of Britney Spears.

What?

She did! You know, in a tragic waste meets missed opportunities to be normal kind of way.

Oh, I buy that neo-conservatives get off on Coulter’s rants. What I’m questioning is her continued bookings on programs in the hopes that she will 'pull a Coulter'.

I think it’s a deliberate decision and, as much as I enjoy a fool being shown to be a fool, it makes me uncomfortable. Coulter long ago took the leap from biting conservative commentary to playing the farcical Meangirl McMeanie character for pay and continuing to serve that shit up to the masses and call it commentary is kind of dirty.

Where is the value in it…what insights does she provide…how does she advance the discussion of where we are going as a nation?

Honest to Gawd, does Coulter even speak for conservatives anymore?

But fuck it all, this morning Vieira sat there all but begging Coulter to say something crazy…to give the people a show. I almost expected her to shout “dance girl...dance!”

Hell, I bet Meredith slapped Coulter on her sharp pointy knee before the segment began and prepped her with “Okay Ann, just be the out of control intellectually lazy homophobic bigot we booked you to be and I’ll mention that book of yours. Okay? Great! Girl, you so crazy!”

Mercy.

Don’t fret…a bitch doesn’t have the back of The Queen of All Things Rancid and Rotting from Within.

I just think that I’ve drained all the schadenfreudal joy I’m going to get out of watching Ann Coulter play Ann Coulter and make an ass of herself on television.

Now she’s just a sad reminder of what the absence of feminist empowerment looks like…

…which is probably why she reminds me of Britney Spears who reminds me of Paris Hilton who reminds me of Anna Nicole Smith all of whom remind me that we’ve got a lot of work to do.

Monday, October 01, 2007

He’s still standing…

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

A certain Senator Larry narrow of mind yet wide of stance Craig is still standing…ummm, err…well, sitting in his Senate seat despite a self imposed deadline of September 30 to vindicate his ass or vacate his chair.

Oh my!

Something about this news made the music of Elton John pop into a bitch’s head.

I don't know why...and yes, I’m serious.

I can almost see Senator Larry Craig belting this shit out on the Senate floor…
Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
I'm still standing after all this time
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah

Lawd, have mercy…a bitch has got to switch to decaf (wince).

Don't expect him to widen his stance on LGBT equality issues...but it does look like the salmon may catch a break.

Blink.

Yeah, yeah, yeah…

Okay...fine...

I wasn’t going to wade into the Justice Thomas has a book out muck, but damn if my in-box can take another request.

Jesus!

Cough.

Full disclosure – a bitch is a Brandeis alum (go Judges!!) and Anita Hill is a professor of social policy, law and women’s studies there. But I was not a student in the Land of Judges at the same time as Professor Hill.

I have not read Justice Thomas’s book but a bitch did watch his confirmation hearings back in the day. The Thomas hearings had a profound impact on my life because they were the first time I was aware of being tugged in two directions…confronted with the dual identity of a black woman through an event that involved race and gender on public display.

Last night I watched Justice Thomas discuss his life and new book on 60 Minutes and I found the segment rather sad. Thomas came across as isolated from everyone and angry because of it. What struck me as tragic is that he rowed out to that island and erected those walls on his own.

He is not the first black student to attend college and have his peers devalue him because they assume he was admitted due to affirmative action. Nor is he the first student of color to fall victim to his insecurities…to internalize the racist judgment of his culture by his peers…and to ultimately resent that same culture because it was so cleverly and consistently used by those peers to question his intellectual worthiness.

And it is true that many in the Civil Rights establishment crowned Justice Thomas as the Uncle Tom of his era…and it is also true that some of those same black leaders leveled harsh judgment on Professor Hill for breaking the black covenant and publicly charging a fellow black person with wrongdoing (gasp!).

But if the Civil Rights struggle is our generation’s inheritance…and I believe that it is…then our generation also inherits the debt of Justice Thomas and Anita Hill.

The challenge before us is whether we will be the ones to pay off that debt…to cease judging ourselves by the measure of the majority culture and to come correct with each other so that right is understood as right and wrong is understood to be wrong.

In that spirit (wink)…

I believed then as I do today that Justice Thomas repeatedly sexually harassed Anita Hill while he was her boss. Professor Hill’s reluctance to immediately come forward was beyond understandable to me given the backlash and damage coming forward still does to a woman’s career.

On the issue of Justice Thomas’s tenure on the bench I believe that he deserves to the judged by his work and legal legacy...

…and by that measure I find him lacking.

I disagree with his interpretation of the role of the states versus the role of the federal government. I find it fantastical to believe that our union could survive the radical societal differences his states rights positions would create…in fact, the greatest challenges to our republic have come when region to region, state to state and community to community we lack common ground.

The Constitution is a beautifully fluid document…by design. Like most liquids, it’s damned near impossible to strictly construct it into a rigid form without radically altering it from its original state. The learning of that lesson is always messy as a motherfucker...and apparently that mess is easy as hell for some to forget because they never have to clean it the fuck up.

Blink.

Fuck.

Anyone have a mop?