Friday, June 29, 2007

Happy Birthday Joyce!


Happy birthday wishes to the fantabulous diva, Ms. Joyce!

May you continue to be blessed with the happiness you so generously share with others…

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Payments...

I knew when the phone rang…

…that The 5-4 Supremes ruled on some more shit.

Pause…crack neck…proceed.

Brother Rob Thurman called this bitch to give me the news and just the tone of his voice said it all.

Step up to pulpit...fluff afro…begin.


My sisters and brothers, our historical house note has come due!

And our social policy pocket book is about to get empty.

If we are a nation united in anything it is in our false belief that we will not have to pay for monumental fuck ups…that “oops, my bad” will suffice…and that there is a “gimme” in this thing called life.

Well, reality teaches us that the house note always comes due, so…and hello, this one is obvious as a motherfucker…electing a social conservative to two Presidential terms when Supreme Court Justices were fixin’ to retire had a fucking predictable outcome.

So, we have a new ruling on the role of race in the classroom and the wisdom of Chief Justice Roberts…

“The way to stop discrimination on the basis of race is to stop discrimination on the basis of race."

Yeah.

Uh, huh.

I want what he’s on...no really, I need some of that shit.

Anyhoo, this ruling will not open up an opportunity for equal competition and selection. 34 years as a black woman in America has taught me that ain’t a damn thing equal in this world…and that The Man never hands over power peacefully or because it’s the right thing to do.

Never.

What we do have is a ruling that will result in racial and class-based isolation.

My fellow St. Louisans know a thing or two about how that impacts a school system…don’t we?

Pause…consider…continue…

Fuck it.

This bitch is grateful for this ruling.

What!?!

That’s right, chil’ren…I’m fucking glad they did it.

I’m tired of telling apathetic fence straddling sometimes I vote-ers that they need to give a shit…that these fucked up Supreme Court rulings will trickle down in a flood of oppression and a heavier boot on their neck.

I’m fucking exhausted with the debate over whether the pile of shit in the room is a pile of shit.

So, fuck it...right now I welcome the rancid stench reality.

And a sick part of me that I pray will go away soon welcomes the drama that will result from the recent rulings of The 5-4 Supremes.

Because this house note was going to come due…and opting for that adjustable rate “he’s not that smart but he looks like he’d be a nice guy to share a beer with” presidential option who then appointed two freakishly conservative what fucking world do they live in justices FOR LIFE may turn out to be the fuck up that keeps on fucking.

How much more of this shit will it take to nudge the masses to rise up and refinance?

Lawd, have mercy...

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

A quick response to awol...

A certain awol left a comment on a post that a bitch found worthy of further exploration.

Awol wrote about his issues as a young gay black man trying to decide whether to embrace the gay community. Specifically, he wrote that he has found it “difficult to deal with the Eurocentrism, materialism, and elitism in the community”.

The club groweth (wink).

When I read this comment I couldn’t help but think that the response is more worthy of dissertation than a post...and if this bitch had the strength for a dissertation my happy black ass would have a doctorate.

Sigh.

Here goes...

A bitch is a student of culture. I have observed communities that would never define themselves as a community and others forever speaking of themselves as communities yet hardly resembling the strong vibrant community they speak of being.

The thing is, Eurocentrism is woven into the fabric of America. A forensic examination would find that shit everywhere…like blood splatter on a wall, one can wash at it but the residue remains.

But for some reason people expect that residue will not be present in the LGBT community.

Which is beyond odd, because no group is easier to seduce with the trappings of power than the group just witnessing all that glitter on vivid display.

Blink.

Which is why the elitism that turns you off is so glaringly apparent….why the materialism that fails to jive with your individual value system is so unavoidable….and why too often the very community that speaks of being welcoming stands with one hand beckoning and the other one signing for you to fuck off and stay put.


Alas, we can not change others...a bitch is working on a spell, but so far no dice (wink). We can change ourselves and how we react to others, which is why your question has more to do with you than anything else.

Now listen, there is no law that says you have to socialize with any set group of people. This bitch prefers a diverse mix of friends myself. But don't discount the existence of common causes...or the fact that there are a lot of folks just as tired of all that bullshit as you are.

Know thyself...find your space above and beyond all the definitions and cliques...and then step up and be heard, brother awol!

Shit.

And don't let me hear someone has done you wrong 'cause my ass will be in Baltimore 'round September and I may pack my baseball bat (wink).

Now you know...

Lawd, have mercy!

A bitch has been tagged by a certain Hattie for a Things You Don’t Know About Me meme.

Blink.

And there are rules, for the love of all bitchitude!

1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
Done!
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
Ugh….done!
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
Ugh again….done!
4. At the end of your blog post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
Oh, for the love of…! Whatever…I hate rules…all 8 people who read this bitch’s blog are now tagged.

Shit!

5. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog. Sure…fine…Lawd!

Frown…then remember that wrinkle forming between thy brows…curse some more...continue.

8 things you don’t know about me…
1. A bitch used to suck my fingers while tugging my ear when nervous.
Ummm….this is really hard…
2. I am an insomniac
3. I hate to shop at malls
4. Home Depot makes me anxious
5. My favorite color is blue
6. I adore artificially flavored vanilla ice cream
7. I’m constantly taking notes
8. I hate being late to events/meetings/movies…hate it, hate it…can’t stand it!

Done.

And if you already knew that shit shut your mouth!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Pondering outcomes...

This bitch caught the news yesterday that The 5 to 4 Supremes spat out a few rulings on some shit.

The ruling that tax payers can't sue about Faith Based funding sort of made my afro throb.

Now catch thy knee before it jerketh! A bitch has no quarrel against most faith organizations. What troubles me is that our government is now in the business of defining and judging faith so it can fund faith.

Not only is that not the role of government...cough...but this bitch questions the wisdom of asking the same motherfuckers who can't find their ass with both hands to judge the worthiness of anything much less a full of faith program in search of my taxed and then seized money.

Blink.

I can't be the only person to see that conditions are ripe for a hustle. And...well...I hate to go there, but...ummm...faith-based hustles for profit are as old as religion.

The fact is that it is hard as hell to attach real outcomes to some of these faith based initiatives. And the problem is that this bitch would like to see some motherfucking outcomes for the billions...BILLIONS...of dollars poured into the federal funding of faith.

The Federally Faithful are blessed (wink) to have proven programs like St. Patrick Center to fund. St. Pats gets funding and the Federally Faithful become positive by association.

But beyond the proven programs are the who the fuck are these people organizations and the okay but does that shit really work programs.

I see funding opportunity after funding opportunity for faith based organizations to take over the work that community organizations used to do.

Or to convert...to what exactly?

Ouch...there goes my afro again (wince)!

Anyhoo, it is clear that the Federally Faithful are making a statement that faith is where the money is. The hustle can't be far behind. Groups like The Heritage Foundation have already put together suggestions on how to redefine what a positive faith based outcome is.

Come now...obviously one can not determine faith based success the same way one would determine program-based success.

Blink.

"Awww, come on Shark-fu." sayeth The 5 to 4 Supremes "Have a little faith!"

Is that faith in God or in government?

Mayhap the desired outcome is that the two become one...

Post festival recovery...

Lawd, have mercy!

A bitch attended both days of Pride Fest 2007. It rained...a wee bit of rain based spit Saturday and a fucking flood Sunday (wince). And the weather didn't even have the decency to cool itself off post deluge! Oh no...uh uh...the rain fed the humidity and Tower Grove Park became a motherfucking sauna.

Sigh.

Oh well, what can you do? And Sauna Fest 2007 did afford this bitch the opportunity to meet several blog-based fans. Hello to you all!

On a rather vain note...that two day sauna has done wonders for my complexion.

For real!

A bitch woke up after my 16 hour post festival sleep to find my skin beyond clear.

Who need a spa treatment when we've got St. Louis in June (wink)?

Congrats to Pride St. Louis!

Friday, June 22, 2007

Melting...

Whew!

It’s officially too hot.

Don’t give me that shit about the humidity. I don’t give a shit about the meteorological specificity of why it feels too fucking hot.

My people call this shit heat...and this bitch thinks the heat has gone too far!

Shit.

Now, this bitch is going to have to hit the Ted Drewes.

Mmmhmm.

What?!?

Frozen custard yumminess is a sometimes food…and my sometime is now (wink).

Toodles…

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Just a little somethin' to break the monotony...

A bitch has spent the morning working on my Pride Fest 2007 two day outdoor festival survival list of necessary things.

It’s going to be hot, chil’ren.

And there’s this newish evil rumor about rain.

Fuck!

Hold it…hold on…hold!

Time for a mid day groov-a-licious dance break…courtesy of DJ Jazzy Jeff and the artist formerly known as The Fresh Prince.

Summertime…
It's late in the day and I ain't been on the court yet
Hustle to the mall to get me a short set
Yeah I got on sneaks but I need a new pair
Cause basketball courts in the summer got girls there
The temperature's about 88
Hop in the water plug just for old times sake
Break to ya crib change your clothes once more
Cause you're invited to a barbeque that's starting at 4

Sitting with your friends cause y'all reminisce
About the days growing up and the first person you kiss
And as I think back makes me wonder how
The smell from a grill could spark up nostalgia
All the kids playing out front
Little boys messin round with the girls playing double-dutch
While the DJ's spinning a tune as the old folks dance at your family reunion

Then six o'clock rolls around
You just finished wiping your car down
It's time to cruise so you head to the summertime hangout
It looks like a car show
Everybody come lookin real fine
Fresh from the barber shop or fly from the beauty salon
Every moment frontin and maxin
Chillin in the car they spent all day waxin
Leanin to the side but you can't speed through
Two miles an hour so everybody sees you
There's an air of love and of happiness
And this is the Fresh Prince's new definition of summer madness

All together now…

Summer…summer…summertime
Summertime!
Time to sit back and unwind

Shakes groove thing a wee bit longer then adds 'umbrella' to festival preparedness list...

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

By request, a clarification...

A certain Anonymous wants to know why a bitch is not concerned about illegal immigration.

I’m glad you asked!

A bitch should clarify that I am concerned about workers being abused, their human rights being denied and greedy unethical corporations gorging themselves on profits as a result. But that concern is not limited to the topic of illegal immigration in the United States…is it?

I am not concerned about a threat to American jobs. Sorry, but that dawg don’t hunt. We need to address the wage issue for all Americans but that concern is not limited to the topic of illegal immigration in the United States...is it? And a bitch sure as shit isn’t concerned about any so-called threat to American culture. Fucking spare me that "I'm native born" with a my people came here less that 150 years ago immigrant pedigree bullshit.

My ass will confess to taking a certain pleasure in listening to border residents freaking out because of the “flood” of “illegals” across the border who are “about to drop a baby” and who will then “rake in the benefits” of citizenship all the while “destroying traditional American culture”.

Whew!

A huge part of me wishes that shit were true…because turn about is fair play and it’s not as if hordes of disease carrying explorers didn’t flood across existing borders back in the day…killing and destroying as they went…all the while “dropping babies” which they then used to justify a need to expand by the will of a selectively quoted God…only to resent the very people they took all that territory from…and sign and then not honor followed by sign and then not honor followed by sign and then not honor treaty after motherfucking treaty they had no fucking intention of ever honoring…only to finally settle comfortably in the land of plenty their illegal immigrant asses ceased back in the day and live in blissful disregard of the people their Manifest Destiny displaced and thus sentenced to a life of poverty and want.

Blink.

Not having an immigrant past...the African Diaspora not being immigrant narrative...and being a few generations removed from my Native American heritage, I see this shit from different angles.

Our nation was founded on the rather curious idea that a certain group’s needs trump the needs of others and the immigration debate is falling into that rancid vat of entitlement. That same idea justified initial conquest…continued conquest and all those treaties…the enslavement of human beings…the banking of profit and growth of industry on the backs of those slaves and later (gasp) immigrant workers…and the continued resentment of The Man towards anyone who dare covet the cake he now sees as his by divine right.

I am not threatened by a people wanting more…who will pay taxes when rich Americans do anything they can not to…who will pass a citizenship test most Americans can't…who will be bi-lingual when most Americans struggle with English…who will know the words to the National Anthem when fucking Senators and Congresspeople don’t…and who only spark fear because of where they come from, how they sound and what they look like.

We need to find a way to make this shit right and we sure as shit need to cease sounding like a nation of ethnocentric bigots and start sounding like a people who understand the history of this nation and the role of immigration in that history.

I don’t fear the illegal immigrant.

I fear The Man acting in fear of the illegal immigrant.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

A confessional...

The pollen St. Louis has been so plentiful…and my allergies have been so fucked up...ummm, well…oh, fuck it...

A bitch is back on the real Sudafed.

I know!

My ass kicked the habit…I really did.

But.

Well.

The real Sudafed makes my ears feel clear.

Blink.

What?

Shit.

Worry not! The drama of being profiled as a meth chef every time I score a fix…cough…purchase some legal allergy meds (wink) will eventually get on my nerves and force another detox.

Sigh.

A matter of faith...

This bitch caught some morning television today.

Now, I know that some of y’all don’t believe in watching morning network sorta-news but this bitch thinks it’s important to know what the masses are mentally consuming. Suffice it to say it’s the mental equivalent of eating two honey buns, a side of bacon and a 20 oz Mountain Dew twice daily (wince).

Anyhoo, it seems that Senator Brownback of the fiendish occupants of a rancid corner in hell Brownbacks did what he does best and said something nasty about someone rather than articulating something positive…like an agenda applicable to this century or mayhap a smidge of viable public policy.

Cough.

Brownback’s minions sent forth an e-mail slamming Mormons. Specifically, the e-mail challenged whether Mormons worship the same Jesus as…well, Brownbackians.

Mercy.

Brownback apologized…Romney accepted…and trust that the ultra sanitized network news left it at that and moved on to discuss whether Prince William is really the “good brother” to prince Harry’s “bad boy ‘bout town”.

Blink.

But a bitch is intrigued.

For years conservatives have benefited from a ‘it’s us against the heathens philosophy’…Catholics have joined with Protestants to fight the grand holy fight against everyone and anyone not willing to join in and fight the grand holy fight.

These partnerships have always given me pause…for example, when folks join together to support a return of organized school prayer. Sounds easy enough…until one goes beyond the rhetoric into the world of reality where Catholics don’t pray like Evangelicals and neither faith prays like Southern Baptists and the possibility of getting one prayer approved is right up there with the perfect mouse trap.

Fast-forward to the attempt to distinguish a Brownbackian Jesus from a Mormon Jesus and this bitch can’t help but consider this a fucking predictable mess. “Faith” as a defining statement was never going to hold, people! Faith begs multiple questions…like what faith, when and how does this faith apply, why this faith and not that faith and so forth and so on.

All of the sudden it’s not as simple as Brownbackian Jesuses versus ...umm...other Jesuses!

And then you’ve got school chil’ren beating up other school chil’ren because they “pray funny” or don’t pray at all…Brownbackians insulting Mormons in a freakish attempt to revive the anti-Mormon era of American history…threats to deny Giuliani communion or make him sign a promise to support insert policy position in order to get communion…and generally an increase in the kind discussion about religion that can only give religion a bad name.

Whew.

But an individual’s religious faith does matter. If they take it seriously then it is a serious part of them. If they are bullshitting about it…well, I happen to think that says a lot about them too.

It occurs to me that the question isn’t whether faith matters, but rather how faith matters.

It is more about faith in application and less about what comes out of a candidate’s mouth.

Does your faith inspire you to work to end poverty…to protect the environment…to encourage peace instead of war?

Or does your faith require that you reject a person who is gay or that they truly can be gay...that you equate wealth with holiness and poverty with sin…that you disregard environmentalism as a devilish distraction?

Oh my!

Well, that is an awful lot to fit into a 5 minute mini-segment leading into a 15 minute teaser of the five part docu-series on those Princes all grows up...

Monday, June 18, 2007

Take the time...do it right…

Happy Monday chil’ren!

Congratulations to the volunteers who came out to support the 2007 Komen Race for the Cure in St. Louis!

It was hot as hell but so worth it.

There’s nothing like moving closer to a cure with 65,000+ pinkified fellow supporters!

Moving forward…

For a certain Sue Woo…
I lift your nephew up in thoughtful prayer to the Divine One. May he be safe as he returns to Iraq and may he know that he is loved and missed back home.

And may your family find peace and strength…

...until we study war no more.

Moving forward yet again…

Lock the door...pull out the phone...
This bitch caught the Sunday chats yesterday and my ass is concerned.

It seems that immigration reform is being handled with the same lack of attention to detail certain motherfuckers gave to the Patriot Act...the Iraq War plan...No Child Left Behind...Social Security reform...Medicare reform...reform of the Tax Code....ugh!

Blink.

Mmhmmm, a bitch keeps getting this mental picture of frustrated and eager to get their vacation on law makers squirming in leather back chairs whilst being forced to meet and discuss all things immigration and reform based.

I understand that immigration reform is a difficult to address thing.

But easy shit ain’t what y’all are getting paid to do!

Cough.

And this bitch doesn’t think the nation will be served by a bunch of hyperactive as if they were 11 years old and this were the last day of school before summer vacation lawmakers cramming complicated policy into a three to four day window…then not reading the shit they end up pasting together…and then voting for that shit knowing it has been fucked with to the point of no longer accomplishing a damned thing.

Lawd, have mercy!

So, a bitch would like to direct Congress and their policy minions to the inspirational work of The SOS Band.

And baby we can do it
Take the time
Do it right
We can do it, baby
Do it tonight!

Pause…shake groove thang in work-based area…continue.

Seriously...cough…a bitch is not concerned about immigration.

Blink.

But this reform by sundown or else technique of policy development terrifies the hell out of me.

My ass is beyond concerned about how the implementation of hastily tossed together without care of consideration bullshit infused so insert lawmaker’s name could move it off their desk and go get their tan on in Bermuda courtesy of insert special interest lobby’s name sorta-legislation will impact the masses…my city…and my friends.

So, take the time...assholes!

Do it right…for the love of all that’s policy based and hard as hell to fix once voted into existence!

Friday, June 15, 2007

Remembering…

This Sunday is Father’s Day and this bitch can’t help thinking of my beloved father who passed away several years ago.

I think of him most during random moments…while doing lawn work or eating a hot dog. Those memories are so vivid they sometimes take my breath away…sudden images of the most random of moments that seemed so insignificant until the possibility of them no longer existed.

I have learned some amazing lessons through the process of missing my father and coming to accept the ever present ache that is loss and remembrance.

I’ve learned that wild outrageous laughter has no expiration date. It floats eternal in the atmosphere of those who experienced it. I close my eyes and my mind reaches out and captures it…ah, just for a moment to savor his loud crazy from the stomach laughter that made heads turn and caused lips to curve.

I know that the taste of my father’s nastified experimental meatloaf is a stronger memory than the grandest of meals or fanciest of dining experiences. I will never forget the look of culinary satisfaction on his face while removing that meatloaf from the oven or how it transformed into comic horror after his first sample.

And I know that my father’s flaws were as precious as all of his distinguished accomplishments. I even understand his fear of an empty refrigerator…that paranoia about hunger that he never could shake no matter how many years he put between himself and the abject poverty of his youth.

Sigh.

This Father’s Day I lovingly remember those flaws and imperfections…the deep appreciation for motor oil and grilled meat…the dedication to social justice and giving back…the inability to resist fucking up perfectly decent recipes by adding ridiculous amounts of oatmeal and/or coffee…and the laughter.

Oh yes, his laughter...

…always.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Oh, yes he did...!


Co-founder of the United Church of Bitchitude and Latter Day Drunks, his Pontifical Greatness Brother Rob Thurman, has returned to the blog stage.

A bitch would like to direct y’all to his most recent post for discussion and debate.

Welcome back!

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back…

One moment in time…

A bitch woke up this morning with politics on my mind.

Let’s jump right the hell on in, shall we?

Step onto soap box…fluff afro…begin...

NBC is feasting on the carcass of a new political poll showing that Americans are disgusted with government.

Oh my!

Is that fucking news to anyone?

Maybe it is…but it shouldn’t be.

Flock of bitchitude, this bitch is exhausted…but I’ve got some serious work to do.

Hit it Whitney!

I want one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams
Are a heart beat away
And the answers are all up to me

Congress is fixing to take their Independence Day break and return home. Now is the time to make certain our elected officials return home to the judgment of the masses…to our voice and our concerns…to the constituency they answer to, damn it…and to the bitchitude behind those poll numbers.

Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel,
I will feel
Eternity

There is a tendency to get so fucking disgusted that we simply want to holla and throw up both our hands (wink)...but this shit requires action not apathy.

Our role in government didn't stop at the voting booth.

Blink.

And this bitch isn’t talking about shooting off one of those electronic form-based e-mails. I’ve got nothing against them, but my ass plans to pick up the fucking phone…and then write a letter…and then send an e-mail…and then follow up on all that shit with another phone call.

Give me one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams
Are a heart beat away
And the answers are all up to me

Because the shit that government is failing to address or addressing poorly because they just want to move some paper…Lawd, have mercy…that shit fucking matters!

Give me one moment in time...to jump up the ass of my elected representatives and tell them how I feel about specific shit.

When I'm racing with destiny...because the leak we fail to fix today ain’t going to miraculously fix itself. It is time to break out some tools or build a boat!

Then in that one moment of time...make up that list of to-do shit that didn't get done, locate the proper contact information, document the voting records and get down to the bitness of governing government.

Big finish....

I will be free!

Steps off of soap box.

Shit!

Now that damned song is stuck in my head...

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Ugh!

A bitch is feeling illish…followed by stressed the fuck out…followed by exhausted by this thing called life…and generally shitty.

Sigh.

I’ve got to pull myself together in time for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure this Saturday (June 16)!

My still fubar leg may not allow for any racing but you can bet your ass this bitch will be limping for a cure this weekend (wink).

Sigh again.

Mmmhmmm, I need an evening of calm.

This bitch is going to go home, soak my leg and indulge in a night of telephone avoidance and Discovery Channel viewage…

Blink.

…whilst drinking a fantabulous vodka followed by cran in my couch-based area.

Toodles until tomorrow…

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

By request, my thoughts on the autism lawsuit…

A certain Maggie sent forth a request for this bitch’s thoughts on the lawsuit seeking damages from the government for autism cases allegedly caused by vaccinations.

As most of you know this bitch’s older brother is autistic.

Cough…consider…commence.

A bitch must confess to being unimpressed with the research done to clarify this issue. Researchers tended to view autism as a homogenous disease rather than a spectrum disorder and dismissed connections out of hand because they couldn’t be uniformly applied to an absolute. This bitch has long suspected that the notion that some forms of autism might be triggered by vaccination in some chil’ren was not explored thoroughly because that shit threatens parental support of childhood vaccinations.

Whoa…hold it!

Catch that knee…catch it!

I am not saying that there is a connection between vaccinations and autism.

What I am saying is that my ass hasn’t been convinced one way or the other.

Mercy!

Anyhoo, the lawsuit will not solve anything scientifically or prove anything other than the fact that family members of some autistics are frustrated with the medical community’s unwillingness to listen to them. Too often concerned families run into the brick wall of ignore and redirect.

As a co-guardian to an autistic adult I sure as shit can testify to that ongoing frustration (wink).
Autism is not one solid block of blue or red and it may have as many triggers as the spectrum has colors. Medical research should partner with family members rather than seek to shut them up.

We’re not the enemy…yet (wink).

We are the caregivers who face a lifetime with autism…a lifetime of taking care of those children who are blessed to grow into autistic adults with adult challenges and needs.

Some of us want to know how this happened.

We want to know why.

So, there is comfort in a theory…any theory…when faced with a lifetime of "I don’t know" and "we’ll have to wait and see".

But I also find potential in the unpopular theory.

The world was once flat and to think it round was once insanity...

Happy Birthday Play Husband!


Faithful flock of bitchitude, please join this bitch in wishing a very happy birthday to The Play Husband!

All power to the people, Brother Brian!

All power to the people…

Monday, June 11, 2007

Who knew…?

His domestic policy initiatives may be falling apart…American prestige on the international diplomatic stage may be a fond memory …and most of the world may boo followed by hiss followed by cross thyself at the thought of Bush and his minions trying to “solve” anything…

…but they’ve got nothing but love for Scooter B. in Albania!

Blink.

Friday, June 08, 2007

A random G-8 pondering...

Almost everyone this bitch knows has been struck by that nastified flu bug swarming about, so a bitch isn't going to get my conspiracy on regarding President Bush’s summit interrupting stomach malfunction.

But the rest of yesterday’s G-8 gossip is still on the table! Specifically, a certain President Putin’s diplomatic surprise suggestion-based offering to share use of the huge Soviet-era radar at Gabala in northeast Azerbaijan with Scooter B.’s missile shield.

Blink.

Oh, no he didn’t?

Oh, yes he did!

Mmhmmm, Putin and his crew caught the United States delegation napping…or was it puking their brains out…and tossed out some old school chess-like diplomacy.

Since the United States wasn’t prepared for polite conversation from Putin much less generous offerings and suggestions they didn’t have the wiggle room to reject that shit outright.

Now, Scooter B. and the minions will have to scramble to come up with a plausible reason why they can’t make use of Gabala.

A bitch is thinking Putin anticipates our refusal and plans to turn to the world and declare that America does not come in peace and truly was up to no good with the missile shield or they’d build it in partnership with Russia.

Oh my!

Add to that shit the move made by Team Putin today when they tossed out a suggestion that the missile shield be built in Iraq!

Damn.

The seas of sorta-allied friendship have become rough as a motherfucker, y'all!

It’s no wonder a certain someone spent yesterday tossing up his mac & cheese…

ACLU-EM Annual Membership Meeting

FYI locals...

ACLU-EM Annual Membership Meeting

Saturday June 9, 2-4pm
at the Offices of the ACLU of Eastern Missouri
454 Whittier Street (at Olive) in the historic Gaslight Square

Event will include:
Election of Officers and Board Members
Student Press Awards

and

Panel on Immigrant Rights
Moderated by ACLU-EM Legal Director Tony Rothert
Featuring: Missouri Representative Jeanette Mott Oxford
Valley Park, Missouri resident Martha Rodriquez
ACLU National Immigrants' Rights Education Coordinator Mariana Bustamante

Open House Tour and Reception to follow the meeting!

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Congrats to the Ducks...






Congrats to the Ducks and Duck-based fans on winning the Stanley Cup last night!

Sigh.

And much love to the Sens for a great run...

You knew this one was coming…

This bitch just read the news that a certain Paris Hilton was released from jail into house arrest (I see bedazzled ankle bracelets as the next 'it' trend) due to a medical condition. I’m dying to know what medical condition we’re talking about.

It must be rare as a motherfucker to not preclude partying, sorta-acting in a television show or attending an awards show within hours of turning thyself in…and yet specifically make sitting about in jail for 23 days dangerous to one’s health.

Blink.

Long time readers know of a bitch’s concern over the Paris Hiltonification of America. But the admission that Paris Hilton is ill rather than simply a vapid threat to the advancement of human kind actually soothed my anxiety.

You see, Paris Hilton is suffering from a wicked case of Privilege Robustus.

Gasp!

As a matter of fact, there may be an outbreak of it in Los Angeles. Britney, Lindsay, Nicole and Paris…yeah, we’re talking CDC worthy infection numbers! If we don’t act quickly this could turn out to be as bad as the Great Gilded Age Outbreak of 1889 (wink)!

Yes, it’s easy to become frantic over the thought of Paris Hilton walking amongst the rich and unfabulous spreading Privilege Robustus around via double cheek air kisses for years. And I know that your thoughts and prayers are now with her former fellow inmates who you fear were unknowingly exposed for the…ummm, well…three days she actually spent in jail.

But have no fear, chil’ren!

Everyone can’t catch Privilege Robustus. It takes a lot of money, the lawyers that money can buy and a judicial system sympathetic to the plight of the extremely rich and overly pampered.

Which helps explain why Paris Hilton is probably lounging by her pool with a designer ankle bracelet on sipping a Mai Tai while other young women remain in their jail cells waiting for the slow wheels of justice to sorta-turn.

Nice.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Permanent…

A bitch would like to hit reverse and touch on a slightly dated news story.

The United States has been planning and building towards a permanent presence in Iraq modeled on the Korean solution.

Blink.

Administration officials in the past have denied that the United States would have a permanent presence…Scooter B. and his minions went on and on about accomplishing the mission and getting out. Speech after speech was given assuring all that the United States is not an occupying force…that we would stand down once Iraqis stand up…that an Iraqi War victory existed and, once achieved, would birth the reward of withdrawal.

In reality Bush & Co. have been planning to build three to four permanent military bases in Iraq for years.

They are now testing newish bullshit by comparing a permanent U.S. presence in Iraq with our presence in Korea.

Pause…sip water…continue.

Scooter B. and his minions have slapped together some half assed intellectually lazy rancid mess and are trying to sell it as kimchi!

Blink.

And even a fool can see it isn't kimchi any more than Iraq is Korea!

Cough.

This plan reeks of an administration attempting to slide out the back door on the judgment of history without paying the motherfucking bill come due by selling the masses on the notion that Iraq can achieve d├ętente through further U.S. involvement.

Wince.

Damnit to hell and back again, they’ve made my afro hurt!

Shit.

Iraq is not Korea and permanent bases are not a new way forward.

Gawd save us from the return of LBJ's denial, because this plan will have America shoulder deep in Vietnam-esque resistance to neocolonial conquest for decades.

Autism fundraiser...

A certain Cats at Finding Avalon was kind enough to bring this autism-based fundraiser to my attention.

The folks at Autism Speaks created a music video of the Five for Fighting song, "World", featuring images of autistic children and their families (The Bitch Squad not included...wink). The video was the work of Bill Shea.

Five for Fighting is donating $0.49 to Autism Speaks for each time the video is viewed - the funding goes toward research studies to find a cure.

Please take a moment to view the video and please pass this along.

I understand the goal to be 10,000 hits but this bitch thinks we can do better than that!
Thanks in advance.

Toodles!

the link one more time

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Scooter B. and Vladimir - A Waking Dream-based exploration inspired by too much sugar…

This bitch just caught Scooter B.’s latest Russia speech and…well, the deterioration of that relationship troubles me.

As I sit inhaling Werther’s Caramel Coffee hard candies…triple happiness followed by multitudes of joy…my mind wanders and begins to explore the awkward as hell meeting of two overly powerful men soon to occur at the G 8 Summit.

Scooter B. and Vladimir - A Waking Dream based exploration inspired by too much sugar…

Scooter B. glanced anxiously out the window of the car as the driver worked steadily toward the summit site.

Would it be tense, he wondered…or worst yet awkward? Would he and the President of Russia have anything left to say to each other?

He sighed and tried to recall the profound trust and deep emotion he felt the last time he looked into Vladimir’s eyes.

What went wrong?

Scooter B. cleared his throat, attempted to focus and began to review his notes.

“George?”

He turned his gaze to Condi.

“Well, ummm…did you want to go over the agenda?” she asked.

George turned away and again looked out the window.

“I never should have listened to you about that stupid missile shield.” He said softly. “Jesus to Gawd, woman! You’re supposed to be an expert in Russian what nots and do nots. How the fuck did you fail to anticipate this shit pissing them off? Now I might not get my missile shield, we may have talked our way into another Cold War and Vladimir won’t return my phone calls.”

Condi cringed at the whine in Scooter’s voice. This is going to be one long ass summit, she thought bitterly as the car pulled to a stop and they exited.

Condi and Scooter B. entered the summit room to find it empty.

Hurrying back through the door Condi tossed out “I’ll just run and see where everyone is!”

Scooter B. walked to the window only to turn at the sound of measured foot steps on deep carpet.

“Vladimir?” he whispered.

“George.” Vladimir replied sharply.

“Oh Vladimir! My dear Volodya ! I have missed you so.” George said and rushed forward a few steps.

“Don’t.” replied Vladimir. “Just don’t go there you stupid fool!”

“What?”

“You dare to ask me what? Our nations are on the brink of kicking off another Cold War because of your mouth and you’re asking me what?”

“Look, the missile shield was Cheney’s idea. I never even read the memo!” Scooter B. pleaded.

“Right. And all that shit you’ve said about rolling back democratic reforms. Oh, please! You had to know that shit was going to require a response from me.” Vladimir rolled his eyes and folded his arms.

“Don’t be mad. Please don’t be mad! You complete me, Volodya! You complete me!”

“Shut up, ass!” Vladimir snapped. “You’re lucky this whole mess may work out in my favor. With any luck you have talked me into being appointed President for life! How’s that for democratic reform? Asshole!” Laughing, Vladimir stalked away leaving Scooter B. alone and distraught in the conference room.

Fade to black as Condi enters carrying a box of Kleenex and softly humming Laura’s Theme from Dr. Zhivago…

Chil’ren, we have ourselves a sentence…

Oh shit!

A bitch was in the middle of a post about the agony of defeat (but don’t give up…it aint over till it’s over!!!) when the breaking news flashed that a certain Scooter Libby of the unashamed and unapologetic about using the weapons of government to attack a CIA Agent (shame!!) Libbified clan has been sentenced to 30 months in prison.

Holy shit!

A bitch was sure Scooter L. would get probation knowing the ability for The Man to get away with all manner of illegal shit and not pay for it whilst the masses get the book thrown at them for first offenses…but that’s another post…cough…where was I?

Oh, holy shit!

Pause…consider…continue.

Well, clearly the asshole is going to appeal…and appeal…which will bring on more appeals…and so forth and so on until the calendar says Novemberish 2008 and Scooter B. (President Bush for the uninitiated) is faced with a pardon-based decision.

Whatever will he do?!?

Blink followed by blink.

Oh, the weight of leadership and heavy decisions and respons…oh, fuck that shit.

We are talking about the same motherfucker who has turned Leader of the Free World into a 9 am to 5pm with three 15 minute breaks plus lunch and 4 years vacation insulting as a motherfucker joke.

This bitch is willing to bet Libby’s pardon is signed…sealed…and fixing to be delivered in November 2008 sure as shit stinks and babies cry.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Old Time Hockey!

Long time readers know that this bitch is a huge hockey fan and it will come as no surprise that my ass is watching the battle for Lord Stanley's Cup on the telly right now.

And who should come 'cross my television screen at intermission?

Don fucking Cherry!

Rock 'em sock 'em hockey himself.

Pause...watch Cherry go off for a second or two...continue.

Why am I craving KFC now?

Anyhoo...

He took over the show and called for the return of fights in the NHL.

Blink.

Somehow I don't see players making a run on foil just yet.

But fuck it if that wasn't worth a laugh.

Come on Ottawa!

Weekend review...

Whew, this bitch had a busier that hell weekend.

The month of June is insane!

Thank you to everyone who expressed concern over my technical drama. No, Miss SisterGirl MacBook is not illish again (thank Gawd)! But the internets lost their motherfucking mind last week, thus this bitch had to do a little technical correction (wink).

As a matter of fact everything lost its motherfucking mind Friday so this bitch had to shake the dust off of the merciless rod of correction and re-establish my authority!

Lawd, why can’t people just act right?

Blink.

Mayhap they enjoy to merciless rod of correction?

Freaks (wink).

Anyhoo, bitchitude once again triumphed over bullshit…and the willful internets…and all is well with my technological world again.

Moving forward…

This bitch got a lot of lawn work done this weekend. I woke up Saturday and was beyond hung over from a night of debauch at AMP.

What?

Shit, it was AMP’s official grand opening spectacular! A bitch had to have a vodka cran…or two…or three…cough…to celebrate.

So, my ass woke up hung over as hell. After a breakfast of yummified cheesy eggs, toast with butter and jam and potato fried with onion (yum!)…oh, and several Excedrin…C-Money and this bitch tackled the yard work.

Let me tell y’all, yard work after a stressful week can be very satisfying! C-Money particularly enjoyed murdering all manner of weeds with her vengeful weed whacker and multitude of poisons.

Post yard work, a bitch settled on the couch and ate more Excedrin. Something told me to click on CNN to see what the fuck was what and…gasp…something was afoot in New York!

Tony I’m confused over easily understood shit, excited about predictable and boring shit and alarmed over completely un-alarming shit Harris was breaking some breaking news…hard. An apparent plot to attack JFK was foiled…and the story was leaking out slow as cold honey…but that didn’t stop Tony Harris from jumping on my journalistic nerves and doing a bloody jig.

Who the hell is this man?

Why does he sound like a morning radio person?

Hold up and allow me to back up.

Tony Harris has been working this bitch’s nerves since he took over the 8 o’clock weekday slot. A bitch used to watch CNN whilst fluffing my afro ‘bout that time…but then came Harris with his overacting child star exuberant vocalizations followed by some of the dumbest questions ever asked by a grown man on television.

Shit.

Harris made CNN even more unwatchable.

Ugh!

Fastforward to Saturday and there he was breaking the JFK terror plot story. He did the new CNN FOX in drag thang…forgetting to use words like alleged, neglecting to point out fact from speculation and then going on several “these people” absolute statement rants for spice.

But when he actually paused…Lawd, give me strength…to say that he needed to be mindful of Journalism 101…mercy…and then inserted the word alleged into a sentence regarding the charges as if accuracy were a motherfucking joke and Journalism 101 was the punch line…ugh…well that’s when this bitch had go.

Murrow he aint (shudder).

On a different CNN-based note, Wolfie B. moderated the sorta-debate amongst Democrats yesterday!

Blink.

The set change mid debate was…well, interesting. But this bitch isn’t fond of sound-bites lacking in substance and the format didn't allow for a lot of substance to get through.

Oh, and all those raise your hand if you blah, blah followed by blah nonsense was bizarre.

Wolfie B, you need to call a bitch and run dumb assed shit like that by me before going on air!

A bitch suspects multiple meetings over set contingencies and camera angles left too little time for question-based review.

Wince.

At least the hand raising bullshit gave the candidates something to agree on…